I've been thinking about these types of guilt. Of course, I am endlessly fascinated with guilt because I am a mother. I have often found it amazing that the doctor can hand you seven pounds of baby and 700 pounds of guilt at the same time. And we don't even notice the guilt. We are so busy looking at that adorable baby that we don't know the guilt is there until sometime during that first 24 hours when that baby cries and we, as the all knowing mother, cannot get him/her to calm immediately. Then we feel that 700 pounds of guilt weighing down on us. It stays there after that. It is the elephant in the room.
Mostly, I think maternal guilt is the first kind of guilt - the good kind. We want to do better for our child.
But that second kind of guilt? That is the PTA guilt. And that is the one we need to work to rid ourselves of.Why, for the love of all that is good, when my phone rang last night and I had to try to stop another 15 minute bout of coughing just to answer it, did I then agree to work a book fair in two weeks? Are there not 650 other families at that same school? Do I have some sort of knowledge or expertise that they simply cannot manage a successful book fair without?
You all know the answers to those questions. Of course I could have said no. I should have said no. My husband would have said no.
And yours would have too. That is the kicker. Men do not seem to feel that second kind of guilt. I'm just trying to remember the last time a man agreed to do something that he really didn't want to do.
Still thinking.
How did we let them get ahead of us on the evolutionary train on this one? Have you ever called a father and asked him to do something for the PTA? Or better yet, have you ever looked him in the eye and asked him to? They are amused. They see the excessiveness of our endeavors and they wonder why we do it. I wonder why we do it. What purpose does this second form of guilt really serve in our lives.And do you think we can get our men to teach us how to rid ourselves of it?
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118 comments:
My husband's always asking me why I agree to do those volunteer jobs for the school - since I'm usually complaining bitterly about them. And it's annoying that I don't have a good answer for him!
I got suckered into being PTA president when I opened my big mouth one day. It lasted 2 YEARS. The same ol people volunteered over and over again. So I'm right there with ya with 'where's the other 649 parents'. So true, so true.
I especially hated the ones who complained about how things were handled, but never bothered to help.
If you are always helping, it's really nice, but damn, someone else should step up to the plate.
Mine cannot teach me because he cannot even read a calendar. Even though I have a calendar with all of our actvities on it such as who has baseball, who has a meeting, he still asks me (about 8 feet away from the calendar) what we have going on the next day. Not to dis him--he is a great elementary school teacher, but no way can he successfully multitask or keep the engines revved up from sun up till sun down. We women learned with our babies to change a diaper with one hand and eat a sandwich with the other.
You are spot on with this one. My husband tries to rid me of it. He just can't.
Thanks for visiting my blog an leading me to yours.
The crazy thing is my boys spend most of their time with me, but they are boys and will probably inherit the ability to not have guilt. My hubby was with his mom most of the time and he has an incredible ability to say no.
How about the fact that they can guilt us into doing things, but we are unable to guilt them.
oh the guilt! lol sometimes i feel guilty for not feeling guilty!! :(
I really like this post (I clicked over through Shelia's blog). It's so very true. I'm always over doing the guilt while my husband seems to be under doing it most of the time.
(Yes "under doing it" is totally a phrase because I say so)
I wish he could teach me how he does it, but I'm afraid it's a hard wiring issue in a man's brain. Some sort of switch is being directly bypassed in their head. Us woman have to work a lot harder, mine seems to be double wired through that same spot causing me twice as much guilt.
PTA.. *Sigh* My girls are still young so I've been able to avoid it (My oldest JUST started school) but I already know guilt will be pulling me in soon.
www.JenniferSuarez.com
I am so good at saying no. I had a guy roommate who once told me he thinks I have more testosterone than he does!
And I am thankful I don't have much guilt. I say "I'm sorry" when needed, or I feel bad for a moment, and then I move on.
I was just having this discussion (in my own head) this past week. Long long story about some asshole kid calling my daughter fat and her crying about it (she is a little chubby--but certainly not fat) and wondering if I should be doing more to help her lose a little weight without freaking her out or giving her a case of bad body image.
I agree with you on the PTA guilt. I gave up on that a long time ago. It is a wonderful and freeing thing. I volunteer in a couple of easy activities, but that is it!
Great blog, by the way!
Hmmm...this explains how I got roped into homeroom mother and typing up the monthly newsletters for the school.
Grrr.
Next month I'll pawn it off on Doug. :)
XOXO
Guilt Ugggg. Like how I feel guilty for reading my blogs instead of reading Blue's Clues to my two year old for he millionth time?? : )
I think you've started a movement here. JUST SAY NO. All the moms of the world will be shouting NO to requests made of them, totally confusing the person that asked. That will leave only the dads to be asked and they'll HAVE to say YES because the moms will just be eating bon bons and watching soaps. This is such a great plan.
P.S. I hate the second kind of guilt too.
I find myself volunteering a lot then regretting it half of the time. I almost feel obligated because I do not work outside of the home. It's silly that I let that influence my decision making process, but it does. It's that darn guilt!
Many people like to fill their lives in order to make themselves feel useful. I do not think that volunteering is bad or should be fraught with guilt— but should be taken as a challenge to make our lives more enriched.
My name is Kathy and I'm a volunteer-aholic...
The guilt gets you started, and then you're sucked into the PTA vortex and you can't.get.out.
Great post!
A couple years ago my husband challenged me to start saying no to people more often before I had a nervous breakdown.
I have tried it, but then I feel guilty for saying no. But I'm still working on it, and I am doing better than I was.
I have tried to get rid of the guilt in other ways, like I was asked to take dinner to a family whose baby has been in the hospital for a few weeks. This was on Wednesday. Wednesdays are very busy for me, plus my entire family has the flu. So, I bought them pizza and crazy bread and root beer. Easy. And I'm trying not to feel guilty about not making them an amazing home cooked meal like al lthe other ladies have been doing all week. I'm sure they liked mine best. :)
I think that the more of a "giver" type person you are, the more likely this is too happen.
I very rarely allow myself to get sucked into this kind of guilt. When the questions start coming I start telling myself I'm too selfish of a person to give up time I don't have. Don't do it. And it usually works.
Actually, I'm so afraid of the whole supermom mind frame that I do pretty good at limiting myself. That and feeling that my family owns my time FIRST. So if it will impact my family in some way its so easy to say no.
ohh, the guilt and the apologizing for apologizing.... ugh.
hoping you feel better!
Gawd...so true about most men, though -- ! They just say "no, no can do..." and they may throw in a "sorry" - but if not, no matter. And after they say "no" they forget it - don't obsssseesssss about it like we are wont to do....
lawd!
That's the best part of your kids' high school graduation - no more PTA guilt.
because we cannot separate those two kids of guilt. As I read you post, all I could think of was how guilty I feel that my daughter is throwing these emotionally draining temper tantrums. Did I do something wrong? I abstained from crack, meth, pot, alcohol (you know, all the old stand-bys. . .) while I was pregnant. Yet, she is inconsolable when she throws a tantrum. It is something I have no idea how to deal with, so it must be my fault. We are terrified that if we experience pta guilt, it will lead to the detriment of our children in some way, shape, or fashion. . .my 2 cents anyway.
Heres what I do.. Before I commit to ANYTHING, I say I need to talk it over with my husband, that way he's the fall guy and I just come off as a considerate wife and never have to do anything : )
They are born with boundaries and we are taught that ours don't count.
I think everyone around me knows I have enough guilt for 10 people so they just toss me theirs thinking I can handle it.
I think they selfishly guard that secret. *sigh* We're doomed.
I have a sign up at home next to the phone that says "Stop me before I volunteer again!"
Great blog.
You are so right. Im wallowing in it right now
It's connected to the same gene in their DNA that intuitively tells them to play dumb for all chores that they do not want to get stuck with.
we have had an interesting flip over here...while I still agree to baking the free cake or cupcakes for bake sales that I clearly have no time for, I have really cut back. My 4th kid put me over the edge. I actually started asking people for help, and relying on the village to take care of my family. I started saying NO.
But I think my guilt was based on a "no one will EVER do it as great as I can" theory. And ya know what? Who the F cares? No one. SO I stopped. And funny, things still went on, with out me,and my perfection.
But just a I started saying NO, my hubby started saying YES! He is a Webolo Den leader and I want to kill him and his scouts! He will also volunteer for coaching sports, and hosting after game parties. This man has been drugged with mother guilt!
great post!!! I'm having some mommy guilt today...
I was just getting ready to compose a post titled "Mom Guilt" - maybe I'll rethink the title after reading yours...
Your thoughts are spot on!
Just wanted you to know that I nominated you for the lemonade blogger award. You're the best.
sounds like you're preaching to the choir on this one! maybe we should form a self-help group.
yeah... why no dad guilt??? and I hate the pta!
Oh, my husband would totally volunteer for the book fair. And he would try to sign me up, too! Because he's a guy and he has no responsibilities after 5pm.
My guilt is mostly over the thoughts of planning his demise that I harbor when he volunteers both of us for some churchy thing..... without consulting me first. That's a hard one because it's for GOD and you have to be very careful when you say 'Tough beans, Moses, you are going it alone.'
I love writing about mommy-guilt! It's one of my soapbox issues...
Although I have to disagree with you on one thing. My dh is actually even worse than I am about saying yes to stuff. He's a teacher at a start-up private school and works about 80 hours a week for a practically part-time salary. He's the one with a real problem saying no.
You are assuming that men even know what guilt is.
I firmly believe that they have only read about it and have fallen into a "hallmark" moment about what to do when they think they should feel guilty.
I think my husband and I must be dysfunctional then. He is forever piling things that he doesn't have time for on his to-do list while I'm all, no, don't really wanna. Don't get me wrong, I have plenty of mother guilt - I just (mostly) know how to say no when it's too much.
Oh, the mom guilt. I'm not quite at PTA age with my kids, but the daycare already asks us to do stuff. I mean, hello, our kids are in daycare....which means that we work...we don't want to spend that precious time we have with them away from them and at daycare helping you out. That's why we PAY you!
Hi Debbie, I was here... reading your post. I enjoyed this topic about being a guilty mom. I learned some though. Thanks a lot.
You're totally right. I've been suckered into things right and left over the years and they ask because they KNOW you're going to say yes. The people who do things are the same people who ALWAYS do things. There's a small percentage of parents who are able or want to volunteer, I have found. I've done it all too, Debbie, book fair being one of them. Good luck! I'm quite sure it's in good hands.
That's a great question: why DON'T men feel Type 2 Guilt? Old Dog is just the nicest man, and does kind things (like visiting my mentally retarded brother (who adores him) when I can't get over to the nursing home), but he does it because he wants to. If he doesn't want to do something (like help his kids move, or go to dinner with his sister and her husband) he just doesn't do it. With zero angst.
Of course, maybe they sublimate it. Maybe that's why they die from heart attacks.
Because men are dumb sometimes. The end.
I don't think they can teach us...I think it's genetic. Ugh.
My husband totally volunteers for stuff- he volunteers me. then forgets to tell me he did it.
I hate the way I feel if I say No. Like I'm going to be struck deaf and dumb or a massive tsunami is going to strike somewhere if I do.
It's a sworn secret that the men have vowed not to share!
I used to be the queen of the second kind of guilt, until I started to live in a way that I would do pretty much nothing I didn't want to do. My problem is, I still say yes as my go to response, only to then, right after, say no. Confusing, but at least I am learning.
I also have the Catholic guilt I grew up with, the Italian family guilt, and the don't see my family enough guilt. Can't seem to learn to get rid of those.
Oh the guilt...the GUILT! all the things I tell myself simply MUST BE DONE!
Oh, so THAT's why I can't guilt my husband into doing stuff he doesn't want to. It's evolutionary. Or genetic. Got it.
I got roped into a whole year of being a coordinator of a Christian moms group. I'm not even Christian! My hubby doesn't have a problem saying no, but me I can't. One day I'll find my spine, maybe it's on the same pile as yours...
Yeah, but then guys don't always step up when they should. My husband does, but that's why I married him. He was the first guy I ever saw do it!
Sooooo true!!!!!!! My theroy --when God took one of Adam's ribs to make women,
he also took all of men's guilt and gave it to WOMEN! I have smoothered in guilt most of my adult life, and If I wake up to a rainy day......I am sure it is my Fault. Sorry!!! Only now as I am growing older am I able to say NO easier (with such a giddy smile) but still suffer guilt when it comes to the kids. That may never changed. Ho, Hum.
My first son was 9 lbs and then my twins were a combined 11 1/2 lbs... How much guilt does that give me? It would explain a lot...
After spending years as The Room Mom, the volunteer librarian, the "call me and I'll jump" mom(who had four children as compared with everyone else's two or three and I know that YOU know what I mean), I went on strike. When my girls hit middle school, I just decided that I wasn't going to say yes to anything anymore, unless I thought it was worthy of my time. And you know what? After a while, they just stopped bugging me. They found someone else who could sit there for hours when there were actually too many volunteers for everyone to find something to do.
Unfortunately, as Moms, we don't get any 'gold stars' for our selfless years of service doing things for the PTA. I began asking myself if what I was being asked to do was going to directly benefit my children. If the answer was no, then my answer was no. I decided that I needed to be a happy mom for my girls and if doing all of the guilt stuff made me super stressed, then that wasn't going to benefit my children.
Best of luck in learning to say NO!!!!
Hugs,
Debbie
Just yesterday, I agreed to babysit when I REALLY did not want to. But I felt guilty, or sorry for their plight, or whatever. So of course my being all annoyed at this act of "service" automatically eliminates any blessings I might have received by doing it. I'm all about spontaneous random acts of kindness... I just wish people would stop ASKING. I think I have a bad attitude.
You are so right about that second kind of guilt. Some of us are guilt magnets. We get those calls. For us some lovely genuius invented Caller ID!
Men don't feel it. They walk away and move on. They don't think below the surface. Good for them! I wanna be like that!
men don't worry either. aargh.
I am better at saying NO than I used to be, but I have spent many hours doing things that other people wanted me to do, and seething about it.
I'm pretty sure seething isn't good for us.
After 3 years of putting together the yearbook for my daughter's elementary school (which, by the way, is a full time job in itself!), I finally said no. I felt a little guilty, but it quickly wore off. I haven't volunteered for another job at the school since. Now you're making me feel a little guilty again. STOP IT!!
Somehow I think we're destined to live with the guilt. Once we got rid of the PTA guilt...it'd be some other kind of guilt *sigh*
Sucks, don't it ?
;)
Those bastards just pretend they don't understand how we can't say no. They like us carrying around a strong sense of guilt. They know that some day they're going to have to call on it to get them out of a jam. They want to be sure we have plenty of guilt in reserve for just that purpose. Those bastards.
Sorry, my friend. You have been identified as the girl who just can't say no. It's so much easier to ask "that" girl that to even call someone whose answer you can't be sure of.
Saying 'no' to being in the PTA this year was the best decision I've ever made!! I watch my friends running around, crazily planning events, and I feel giddy that I'm not one of them!
I used to say yes to everything. I learned how to say no. Now I feel guilty for saying "No'! There's no pleasing me. ;)
I am always being suckered into doing things I do not want to do. I am a little afraid of saying no more than I feel guilty... but I agree, the guilt that comes when you are a mother is quite smothering.
Oh little grasshopper...let me explain what happens when you turn 50...your butt and boobs get bigger but your guilt can not stay and you learn to say No...Go Away!
:)
Yep, not even a mother and I still do things I should say 'no' to.
By the way, thanks for your comment on my blog. It looks like I'll need to spend some time exploring yours.
My husbands triple bypass last year cured me of most of my guilt...pronto! There are still a few things that pull me in....ugh...
I have a phrase for that guilt that OTHERS & YOURSELF put on you.
"Don't should on yourself & don't ever let anyone else should on you!"
Pretty handy to remember!
I went to one PTA meeting and quickly decided it was not for me. And when they called, I just didn't answer my phone because I can't say no, either.
I really enjoyed reading this post. I have only one daughter, and she's but a wee five months old, so I don't have any groups knocking on my door or calling me about her and her activities just yet. But, I have generally been very good at saying no my entire life, and will think back to this post in the future for re-affirmation of that right whenever that guilt comes a tripping. Thank you for making me think!
Hmm, I never feel PTA guilt. Perhaps because I am not yet a mom. Yes, be more like men! act selfish =)
I love that 'I'm very busy' graphic!
Yikes! 70 comments?! You are one popular gal! Me? PTA guilt? Had it with my first child (she's 24 now). Learned how to say no without guilt with my second child (he's 12). I'm just too tired!
BTW.... stopping by from Ann's blog. Happy VGNO!
lol...great blog...Something to look forward to when my 15-month-old becomes a tween/teen...
hello from the GNO!!
I feel guilt more since I became a mother. LOVE the pic of the man saying he's busy. Reminds me of my husband...car salesman!
I feel it too. It must be a part of this crazy thing called sisterhood!
Truer words were never spoken... ;)
Stopping by from Ann's - Happy VGNO! :)
Boy, I don't know... my husband's mother is real good at guilting him into things for her. Oh no, does that mean I married a Momma's boy?! AHHHH!!! haha
Hey! I'm late for GNO but finally able to visit!!! :) Thanks for stopping by! :)
Hey! I'm late for GNO but finally able to visit!!! :) Thanks for stopping by! :)
Papa has tried to rid me of that guilt for years. I did get rid of PTA guilt. I realized it just wasn't worth it. Guess what they quit calling me. I got a call one day, this woman was telling me I had been nominated PTA Secratery. (I can't even spell secratary, whatever) I said no thank you. They never called again.
You are so right about that. Some days I swear guilt makes decisions before I even get a chance to know what it is we are deciding!
It's totally because we think our kids will love us just a bit more.
As for the PTA.....is that some sort of cult or something? Because at our school, I have no idea when they actually hold meetings. Just wondering. Is it because they know I don't bake?
I'm thinking caller ID and have your husband handle all your phone calls is the only solution.
Wow, you hit the nail on the head with this post! It's amazing to me that my husband never seems to feel guilty about anything. Even after he swats one of the kids for something, he looks so relaxed, like he doesn't have a care in the world. I raise my voice once and I'm practically crying in a closet somewhere in our house. UGH!
EGAD! Just think, a world without PTA! Or birthday parties, or christmas decorations, or balanced meals, or pajamas for bed, or homework. Good or bad??? I can't decide!
A truer line was never spoken than, "Deliver 7 lb baby and 700 lbs of guilt." that was the one thing that surprised me the most after having my first.
PTO? Yes, our school has trouble too. Same few people. It irritates me when my fellow teachers won't even help out. After all, ALL the money goes back into our classrooms/students, so why don't we help out too?
Ok, off that tangent.I have to rest up for the PTO carnival tomorrow morning.
I have learned to say no and not only do I no longer feel guilty, I am no longer angry that I feel guilty or angry that I agreed to something I really don't want or have time to do.
It has given me great joy that little word, NO.
And you know what? I think it's made me a better parent!
Hi from VGNO. Thanks for stopping by my blog! I think I need to feel guilty about being so addicted to blogging... and I do!
You could not have said this better! The last sentence was the crowning jewel of this post!
I hope you will continue to visit me at my old address, new blog! Thanks for your kind words to my last blog!
I have no guilt. Everyone can bite me.
Thanks for stopping by!
I think it's because men see things as 1) how can this help me? If it can't directly help them or people they're close to, then they'd rather spend their efforts on something else. Like my husband will do anything to make Me happy, such as buying puppies that he knew would pee on the carpets and cause havoc, but if you asked him to volunteer at the animal shelter, he would say his time is more valuable elsewhere.
Teehee -- Your first on my "getting to know us" thingee -- teehee
yes, yes and yes
guilt all the way
and PTA ( we call it P&C over here) and tuckshop and library duty and fundraising - have survived them all, many times over.. And I still feel guilty, becasue maybe i could have done more.
love your blog xx
So true. Men never get caught out by stuff like this. We women put ourselves under all kinds of unnecessary pressure.
Simple: We care what others think of us (and our kids), they do not. :)
It is not just a mom thing. It is a woman thing. It is societal ingrained in us to be good mothers and wives since birth. Even those of us who stay single and do not have babies have to fight this. We are praised by how well we nurture. Men are socialized differently. They are praised for quick thinking, athletic prowess, and the ability to conquer. Why are PTA's made up of all mothers anyway. Gah! I'm going to quietly leave now before my feminist ranting really kicks in.
Once upon a time I had sucker written on my forehead. But I finally erased that nasty word! Now I have no problem saying NO!, can't too busy!, gotta clean the toilet, etc... I think being able to finally say NO, comes with growth, maturity, but (certainly not age). HeeHee! Hugs***Renea
I have the same kind of quilt. Though I have to say my hubby does too. He can't say no to anybody or anything. Someone asks him to do something. He's there. He's worse than me. Drives me nuts! LOL! Thanks so much for stopping by. Have a wonderful weekend.
I know all about guilt. I was raised Jewish! I'm a pretty laid back mom, though. My kids are their own people. I just wish they'd be perfect in every way. (Is that too much to ask?) I'll have to thank Kat for featuring you on her blog! I love you already.
Plus, I think I'm the 100th person to leave a comment. Should I give you my address so you can send me my prize? (I like chocolate and anything sparkly.);-)
I've wondered this myself! But I tend to overanalyze things I say and things others say to me. My dear hubs NEVER analyzes anything. I think this is also why he never feels bad about saying 'no' to anything he doesnt want to do! Still loving your pics, btw!
Great post!! I used to feel the guilt too until I wised up. Well, I didn't wise up until the kids were raised and out of the house. Took me that long!! One year I volunteered to be "secretary" of our local little league and that included running the snack shack.
Boy, that was an eye opener.
So far I don't have this problem. When my daughters school needed some major help with cupcakes for a sale, I simply realized this is not my forte and let it go! I felt pretty good about it too! I know I love my kiddies with all my guts & glory, and the volunteer stuff should be left to the peeps who can't say No to things and perhaps have an over abundance of nervous energy. I'm just saying...
We have the second type of guilt so we have something to blog about because we know at some stage, everything is going to go wrong and then we can tell everyone.
People love tragedy. And we love the attention... it helps with the guilt...
Well, I will say that when people come to the door selling things, we end up buying them if my husband answers the door. I'm the one who can send them away guilt free.
Then again... I'm PTO president. And I end up doing wayyy too much. Too frequently.
ONE HUNDRED AND FIVE COMMENTS?!
Jayzus H Cripes I forgot what i was going to say.
I feel guilt because I never did (our equivelant of) PTA EVER....
well, except for once....
I also feel incredibly clever!
oh dear
Hi Debbie--Kat M. sent me over here. And I'm so glad I visited, because I LOVED this post. I so identify with it--I just had a baby 3 months ago (my first, possibly only, one) and I had no idea how much guilt would factor into my life suddenly. Which is so odd, because I was raised by a MASTER of guilt trips (and a worry wart to boot).
But I really didn't realize how uncomfortable it would make me--and it did take awhile to figure out it was there. Because they are so cute. But eventually, you get used to the cuteness and then you (well, *I*) start to think: am I reading to her enough? spending enough time with her? changing her diaper enough? will she have issues if I stay on the computer an extra 10 minutes while she screams for a bottle? Things like that.
And men do not seem to have the same type and/or amount. And I wish I had an answer to your question about how to get them to teach us to let go. But I think they're simply hard-wired differently. I suspect testosterone. I really think it messes up their brains.
:-)
I must be hallucinating because I could have sworn that I commented on this post, but when I looked for my little bridge, I got nothin'!
Guilt is a tricky thing. It is one of the many reasons why I aspire to be more like a man. That, and they never seem to care about their weight as much as women do.
There is much to be learned...
-Francesca
I get suckered into these sorts of things all of the time! I don't know how to say no! I really enjoyed this post, thanks for keeping me company in the "Yes, sure, I'll do it...when do you need me" Club!
Excellent post! And how do you find those great cartoons that so perfectly illustrate your points?!
A few years ago I began saying, "Let me check with the hubby and make sure it won't conflict with anything he's planning." And then he'd give me an "out" to say NO. Works like a charm. But now I'm wondering why I feel the need to use him as an excuse? Why can't I just say NO all by myself? Geez louise, what is wrong with us women?!
Guilt is part of the glue that holds us women together i think! ha!
You sure got alot repsonse on this topic! I'm Catholic so I already felt guilty. Then motherhood just magnfied it 100 times. My husband feels no guilt. Its shocking. He believes in repairative actions rather than remorse.
I am so glad I found your blog.
This post just made my day!
I think men are born without the guilt gene. Prime example: Knute, at 3, just yesterday burped and blew it in my face. Tell me where he learned that? Another man. See what I mean?
On. The. Money. Sistah.
PTA guilt is the perfect name. Perfect. BTW, I stay far, far away from the PTA and feel guilty for it. Ugh!
"I have often found it amazing that the doctor can hand you seven pounds of baby and 700 pounds of guilt at the same time"
AMEN sister!! That was PRO FOUND. :)
I am adicted to guilt.
By the way - you are like a blog rock star aren't you?!
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