Your guide to second careers

Yesterday when I opened my computer's home page, the burning question "Is Lindsay Lohan stripping for cash?" was screeching out at me. I quickly thought about the possible answers to this burning quesiton and was left with only one conclusions. Of course she is. Let's look at all the evidence, shall we?First, we are in a terrible recession. Every journalist says so. Obviously, even a super-talented young actress (that is what she does, isn't it?) like Lindsay is bound to be feeling the crunch. So, she turned to what literally two people (her mother and some poor homeless guy who thought they were giving out free food) were lined up to see - Lindsay strip for cash. It makes perfect sense.

Putting all of my needs aside for the day, I poured myself another glass of iced tea, put another pillow behind my back, and started digging for other famous folks who have been forced into second careers from this economy.

Poor Mel Gibson. We loved his fashion sense in Braveheart and his softer side in the Lethal Weapon unending series.

And now we will get to enjoy him in his latest role. Mel is the new Pre-Marriage Counselor for the state of California. He will be bringing his proven compassion and tolerance for others to the masses in his new role. I predict great success for him.

Don't get the idea that you have to stay in the good old USA to be gainfully employed in your second career. Oh no. Nadya Suleman (or 14-o-mom to those of us who can count as high as her number of offspring) has a wonderful new position. She is gainfully employed by The People's Republic of China as their One-Child-Per-Family Family Planning Counselor. Good for her. And some of you were worried that we taxpayers would end of supporting her brood. Oh you of little faith.

Simon Cowell may appear to be doing well on his TV shows. I believe that is just the haughty British accent that makes us think that. Deep down, he has been struggling just like the rest of us.
But at least he has found a second job worthy of his talents. Simon is the new face for the ever-popular "How to Win Friends and Influence People" seminars. Simon's brand of schmoozing is bound to make this course relevant today for countless people looking to get on the good side of someone.

This just in. Amy Winehouse is reportedly interested in adopting a child from St. Lucia. Like you, I was initially scratching my head and wondering if this could possibly be in the child's best interest or was the child some sort of serial criminal and this was his/her punishment. However, when I read the quote from Amy's source who stated "a kid is like a cup holder for life", all of my doubts just flew out the window. That is why I personally phoned the Obama Adminstration (yes, I have their number) and recommended her for their new post - Mothering Czar.

Frankly, that is one second career that is so perfect, even I would be willing to have a few of my tax dollars go toward her salary.