Getting Something Off my Chest

I think it is important as a woman to reevaluate myself from time to time. Make sure I'm not getting complacent in how I look or what I wear. I don't want to be accused of letting myself go just because I am a middle-aged, flabby, cellulite ridden, wrinkled woman who has been married longer than I have been alive. I want to stay fresh and current.

With that in mind, I took a long glance at myself in the mirror, compared that to what our culture seems to deem as desirable in a woman, and found myself coming up short.

Especially in one area.

I have neglected to develop conical breasts.

I know. It was rather short sighted of me. I'm embarrassed to even admit it. Especially since it has been so obvious for so long.

Here's one of the role models from my youth.

Ah, Wonder Woman. She pretty much rocked. I loved those bullet reflecting bangles she wore on her wrists - fashionable yet practical - and who didn't want a lasso like that? That was pretty much as close to an old west experience as most women ever got.

But that chest? That was the real weapon. She could impale you if she fell on you. Yet, did I think to copy her? Sadly, no.

Bursting on the scene shortly after that was this icon. Everyone was enthralled. She was the epitome of all things feminine.
Yes, Madonna. Even the name stands for the ultimate in femaleness. I had years of having that profile in my face every time I opened a magazine or turned on the TV. Yet again, I did nothing to emulate her.

But now. Now comes a woman even I can't ignore. One who can blend together the best of Wonder Woman and Madonna and at the same time, help us celebrate our country's independence this coming weekend.
Lady Gaga. Words fail me.

After so many decades of female celebrities pointing the way for me with their chests, I've decided to take action. As soon as I finish the ice cream out of these bad boys, I am hot gluing them right onto my shirt.As much as I want that chest look, I do have that cellulite to maintain.