Allow me to explain.As you are aware, I am sending two freshmen off to two different colleges this month. One is a medium sized state university - the other is a smaller private college. Very different places. Except for one thing.
The parents are crazy at both places.
When did it become standard parenting practice to give little Brittany and Hunter everything their little hearts desired all throughout childhood and young adulthood? Oh sure, I can remember some kids I knew growing up who appeared to have everything. But they were few and far between. Even in college.I thought college students were very lucky to have a car - even a clunker - by their sophomore year. Not anymore. The standard practice now is that every single freshman has a car. And a newer model car at that. Either a tricked out SUV or a sports car with a sun roof. Well, not every freshman. Mine won't be taking a car. Unless there is some old hot wheels in the basement they'd like or maybe the cozy coupe in the corner of the garage.
One mother at the state school orientation asked how her son should hang his large, flat screen TV on the wall. My son's roommate announced yesterday that he had just bought a flat screen for their room - larger than our TV at home. (And yes, we only have one.) We don't know this roommate but he appears to be dripping in money. Joy is my life.Fancy technology falls out of their hands as they walk. Used books? Probably not. Old, discount store clothing? Only on my kids' backs apparently.
Now, let's play another game. What do you think most young adults use their money for if they have an excess of disposable income? Yes, that's right. They tithe every Sunday. No they don't.
What I want to know is why these parents are making my job so much tougher. Is there no one else who feels like kids should have to work to achieve the goods? Where is the motivation? And what about the fact that this generation is the first one predicted to do worse than their parents financially? I guess they better take care of that large TV.I see this as indicative of our ails as a society as a whole. We want it all - now. No delayed gratification for us or our offspring. I hope my kids won't feel too badly about themselves as they see this excess moving in all around them this month. And I mostly hope they can continue to study and strive to do well in school.
Because that's the way the kids in my family will get ahead.*I hope you all are forgiving me for not being by your sites as often this week. My laptop is still broken and a family of six on one desktop is frightening, to say the least.
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145 comments:
I'm with you on this one. ;o)
So true! I don't have children but my boyfriend has a 9-year-old and it is just incredible to me how parenting goes these days. Instead of, "Here's breakfast," it's "What do you want for breakfast?" Since when did parents ASK kids what they want to eat. Of COURSE a kid is going to say, "Fruit Loops and M&Ms" or some other such nonsense. The parents aren't in charge anymore. Kids are running the roost. Kids need discipline to become a successful, functioning adult. Of course, I think parents must have screwed up with my generation too because I see very few normal people in their 30s and 40s out there!
So true! I put myself through school - there was public transit and no TV (who had time anyways??). I can honestly say everything I've achieved means more since I had to live on ramen noodles to do it :)
Wow! Our son got a car at 15, only because my parents were downsizing & gave him one of their cars. He attends a large state school where freshmen are allowed to take cars, but very few do because parking is a hassle and they have a great bus system. Our son didn't take his car to school until he moved out of the dorms. He said a car gets in the way when you live on campus. None of his friends have much money - most of them work part time.
Well, I guess I better use the next six to eight years preparing my girls for disappointment. And, buy them some thick-soled walking shoes. They aren't going to school with a car unless they buy it, and have already been warned that if they want their schooling paid for by someone other than themselves, they better get scholarships. Nice to know I'm not the only mean mom out there.
I hope they study and continue to do well in school too. I can't believe kids bring flat screen tvs to school. Unbelievable!!
Amen, sister! The gross consumerism is just....gross. My daughter's friends all have cell phones, laptops and fake nails. At 13!! I hate it.
It kills me to see the stuff kids have, even at 8. One little boy we know has his own baseball field, soccer field, basketball court, and a play structure that is better than any in the parks around town. He gets what he wants when he wants....at 8. My kids don't get to play on the computer unless it's at school, don't have gaming systems, and have to earn what they do get. The most we have given them is a dirtbike.
What a crazy nation we live in.
I couldn't agree with you more. As my eldest heads off to middle school we've been talking a lot about wants versus needs, and what kids earn versus they are given.
I'm lucky that none of my kids is asking for things (yet) and they don't really seem overly aware of what others have relative to what they have...
I'm sure the time is coming.
I just wish our kids could go to college together! Then they could walk (rather than drive) to class together in their modestly priced clothes lugging their used books :)
I'm with you. It also sets an unrealistic expectation of what they will be able to get after college. Many students think they will be making the same money coming out of school that their parents make after 20-30 years of work. There is little understanding of earning things for a lot of them.
I see how the parents of my son's middle school friends love to spoil their kids. Some of these kids will come to my house and think we're "poor" because we don't have the latest video game system. I want my kids to know the value of hard work. I also don't want them to judge others by material standards. It's scary if this is a generation only focused on acquiring things, and not acquiring character.
Preach it, sister. I don't have children but know that in the corporate world, there are frustrations with these kids who expect everything handed to them and don't work for it. Now, if I had kids, I love the idea of providing for them. However, that is different than catering to them.
You are so right! I've had 2 kids go through college and have seen this same thing. It sets them up for trouble later, because they are used to having whatever they want. Of course, some parents keep providing it even when they are out of school!
I so agree with you about this Deb. It makes me sad for the kids, and also for our whole society, that so many young people will never realize the accomplishment it is to work really hard for something, and know you have completely earned it. That is until the $$ runs out and the doo-doo hits the fan and they have to face the fact that the world isn't always going to give them stuff for free. Then I feel even worse for the parents who will finally have to face the mess they made when the kid shows up back on their doorstep to mooch off them until they hit the grave !
Or do I ? Karma is a bitch !
(missed you - laptop trouble sucks !)
seems backwards doesn't it? you should def have to pay your dues to get all these luxuries. i think these parents are, in the end, only setting their kids up to be really, really disappointed in life.
"There is a gigantic difference between (having) a great deal of money and being rich"
Marlene Dietrich
Debbie, I am sure your kids will do great. It sounds like you have instilled in them good values and a good work ethic.
I feel sorry for kids that "have it all". Their parents are definitely setting them up for a big disappointment.
We did not give our kids everything they wanted. My MIL tried to, but we stopped her most of the time. LOL! We wanted the kids to realize that our family didn't have a money tree. Fortunately, most of their friends families didn't have those trees either.
Our 3 kids WISH they had it all, but they know they have to work for it, so all 3 do.
I could write a book. For starters, not only don't let them have a car, but resist the urge to get them a charge card too. 'Cuz they'll use it. Which is probably what bought that large wall television your talking about. My child called me at work once and asked me to co-sign on a loan for a car. I said 'no'. Then I heard a dead phone. Now they are raising children. :)
Parents? Who'd 'ave 'em....
:)
Hello from down under, Debbie :))
You're absolutely right...and your kids will be much better off for it!
lol loving the pics! (Thanks for visiting my blog too!)
Holy cow. Since when? My freshman year was in 2002 and I guess a lot has changed since THEN. Not good.
Don't get me started. . . when my son was a freshman, he was the only one of his friends who needed to work, one of the few without car and not on a full meal plan. By senior year, most of those same kids were working and the entire scene was different. But yeah, I don't get those parents. His freshman roommate came to our CA home for Thanksgiving, looked around our modest house and said, "my parents own a half-million-dollar-house in Colorado". I looked him in the eye and said, "this is a half-a-million-dollar house in California". I really wanted to slap him across the head. Those kids getting everything are in for some rude awakenings, if you ask me.
Ugh. I totally agree. It's insane. I'm getting ready to enter the foray of Middle School - and I dread it!
Too funny about the lady at a college orientation asking about how to hang a flat screen TV. And then your son is rooming with a kid who is bringing one. See, there wouldn't be room for two anyway.
You definitely get a standing O from me on this.
I deal with this in high school! I kid you not!if my almost 16 yr old tells me one more time that sonso got a brand new mustang gt when she turned 16 i am going to strangle her....not really but i am considering duct tape
AMEN! At my college, Freshman who lived on campus were not allowed to have cars.
Maybe seeing all of this excess will drive our "poor deprived" kids to work harder so they can buy their own trinkets since us "mean, tightwad" parents won't.
This is a great post!! I totally agree!! :)
I agree with you...most kids today have it all, and don't have to work for it. I never could afford to buy my kids all the neat stuff and they survived just fine. Now they are working and buying it for themselves and appreciating it.
I hope your kids love the new school year.
I am right there with you. I grew up in a (lower) middle class family in an upper middle class town. My friends had more than I did but only because their parents just gave it to them. The things that I DID get, I was careful to protect. Many times we received help from the outside world for different things. That has instilled in me a desire to help people whenever possible.
I still do not have the biggest and best of everything. But, what I do have, I have worked my patootie off to get. And while I don't have a college aged child yet (THANK YOU GOD) I do have a 3 year old. And she definitely does not have the newest and best stuff. She doesn't even have a television in her room. EGAD!!!
When I was a kid, I had a friend who lived 2 houses away that got whatever she wanted. I was so jealous. Today, I am so grateful to my parents for saying no to me as often as they did.
I was SHOCKED to say the least when my then 6 year old was told by a kid in her class to text her later about coming over....huh? SHE IS 6 FOR GODS SAKE!!!
This phenomenon bothers me too, and I've done some soul searching to figure out whether I'm just jealous that I did NOT have parents who gave me everything.
I've decided no, that's not it. I genuinely fear that these people will have a terribly rude awakening when they realize nobody in the real world is going to just hand them everything they want.
Besides, I am truly thankful for all the life skills and character traits I posess because I have worked my ass off for my own television, car, college education, etc...
Yes, yes, yes! My kids don't have the best of everything and they have to work for what they do have. However, I am currently dealing with a child who has been given everything by her Mother and the sense of entitlement she feels just floors me and angers me.
I'm so glad I'm not the only one left who feels exactly they way your post was written.
Thanks
Kids get SO much now...I know we give ours alot and sometimes they get a little ungrateful...that is when I back up and teach them a lesson (or two).
This is so funny.
We were talking at work about how in some cultures, there is a cultural expectation of physical discipline. Like in Polynesian cultures.
We were talking about the culture of the United States, and I would totally say that it's enabling and coddling, and giving kids whatever they want.
I agree 100%!!!
Seriously. I worked my way through college and it took me almost 5 years to pay off the loans after I got out. I admittedly had a car but I was commuting my first two years and the walk would have been hell....
heh heh. But it wasn't a new car. It was 10 years old.
*sigh*
Your children will be more successful and more well-adjusted because of your views on this!
Our son got his first car at 16.
It was a car that a friend had torn the gas tank off on a rock and he said "If you can fix it, you can have it".
Second car at 19 - a 20 year old toyota pickup which we lovingly call the "Sanford mobile" (after Fred, the junk dealer) and it was my dad's, then my husband's and YoungSon is making that thing limp along until next year when he ships out for boot camp.
How else will they learn to make do?
What happened to the "good old days" when colleges didn't allow freshmen to have a car? Or maybe it was just a few of them? Sounds like a good idea to me!
My kids don't get anywhere near what there friends get. That said my kids seem to be a bit more "together." Just a bit! It seems to me that the young adults that are more self sufficient are happier. If they know that the world is a hard place they seem to cope better with problems.
"What do you want for breakfast?"
"This?"
"Or nothing?"
I. TOTALLY. AGREE.
as usual, you're so right. However, when I went to college and grad school, it was already like this. I was often embarrassed about what i was driving/wearing, etc., but truthfully, as a parent, I had bigger concerns. . .
I can't believe these colleges have enough space for all these kids to park their cars...and big screen TV's? I asked Alison if she wanted to take her little 6 inch screen TV with her this year and she said she had no time to watch TV....now I am wondering if she is just not using her time wisely?....lol
If nothing else I am thrilled to report my children have learned how to ride a bus their first year of college.
As always I love your posts! I need to come back and catch up on all your stuff...it has been a wacky busy summer for me. Hugs and have a great week end!
Oh geez... I wonder what it will be like for my kids by the time they get to college. I have a feeling that a good number of middle/high school kids around my town are the same way. During our boundary discussions where we were trying to get equal distribution of resources to the elementary schools, someone from a gated community said that their school had diversity - "we have red bmw's and blue bmw's". Seriously.
My husband and I discuss this issue weekly and we don't even have one kid in PRESCHOOL yet! It's shocking watching the middle school aged kids at church texting on THEIR cell phones! WTH?!
With you as a mom, I'm sure your 2 college kiddos are going to do just fine. Hang in there, mama!
Ahhhhh yes. Materialism never stops with the teen years. Striving to compete with one's peers is constant, especially when establishing themselves in a new environment.
I had a car as a freshman. Not a new car. A $1000 very used compact. I needed it. Not because I was spoiled, but because I had to have a way to get to my JOB because I had to help PAY for my college. Yes there were busses, but the mall closed after service stopped so I would have been stuck without one.
A new SUV and a paid for education? I wish.
Best of luck to your kids in their new journey. Also, tell them you will break all their fingers if they get a credit card while they're still in college.
I'm with you.
Ugh...I hear ya. I even catch MYSELF sometimes in this mindset. "My parents have it, so I should work to get it right now, too!" Except, umm...my parents have been WORKING FOR IT FOR 28 YEARS. And I've been a wife for *ahem* (only three). See the issue?
Thanks for the reminder.
Yeah. My nine-year-old (who NEVER talks on the phone) doesn't understand why he can't have a cell phone. I have many fun years ahead of me.
Amen sister!
Are you sure you won't run for office?
I'm with you. Maybe your kids will get the cast off stuff.
Seriously. I worked to buy my car in high school but I still wasn't allowed to have it in college. It makes it hard to raise non-spoiled kids without them feeling deprived when every other kid they know is indulged beyond belief. I'm thinking of moving to Amish country.
Thank you for reading my mind!!!
Thank you!!!!
I'm going to have to deal with this next year, and I'm not looking forward to it. My kids already have too much "stuff" and it doesn't even compare to what you're describing. How are they going to focus on their studies if they're busy crusing around town in they're fancy cars or watching TV 24/7. I'm hoping my kids get poor roommates. Can we request that?
I have two heading off to school, too. One has a Chevy Blazer that her grandpa generously sold her for a pittance, and the other, my oldest, is going without transportation. He got used to public transportation on his mission and doesn't want the hassles of parking, fueling, and maintaining a car.
And both kids are paying for every bit of their education. I bought them some clothes, and I'll continue to pay their cell phone bill, but everything else (including daughter's car insurance) is on them.
It's how we did college, and believe me, I CHERISH that degree!
Your kids are going to be better for it!
I completely agree. As years go by, kids seem to ask for more and more. But what's worse, is that parents do nothing but succumb and give it to them.
The fact that this usually happens with uninvolved parents is not random - by spoiling their children with too much money, they feel like they're making up for their absence, and the little time they actually spend with them.
Most of those parents who are giving their kids whatever their little hearts desire are in hock up to their eyeballs. It's a case of a few having money and a lot of others wanting to pretend they do.
And I think it's a disservice to their children. Mine knew going into it that they'd have to work their way through. I think they've appreciated their college education a whole lot more too! I know it bugs my daughter to no end to see other students watching iPod videos or texting during class rather than paying attention.
Proper priorities, work ethics, realistic expectations have all gone the way of the phone booth. Don't see them around much any more, do you?
Our son is part owner in a small computer business and I know he's had a hard time finding quality employees who want to actually *gasp* WORK for a paycheck.
I guess this post really hit a nerve :-) I could (and occasionally do) go on and on regarding this topic. Climbing off soap box now.
I can imagine. My university (which was pretty swanky when I went) was just redesigned and is so over the top it makes me ill. How is that preparing them for reality!?
Preach it girlfriend!
It goes to show that they don't expect them to do much studying if they are getting them the monster plasma TV.
On the bright side. You and your family have done a wonderful job of saving for college - enough for your twins to go away to college. The down side is that your kids are amongst the socio economically elite.
We can barely afford to send our daughter to UH and she commutes 45 miles round trip to save us on the dorm. But we are paying cash and she will have no school loans...
Flat screens? Cars? Seriously? I was astonished that students in Belgium seem to all have a laptop these days, but at least that's as far as that goes.
I definitely believe in saying "no" to kids enough. They do get some choices, but they are limited. I always think spoilt kids don't seem any happier than mine.
oh I soo agree with that, believe me, my seven yr old is already asking for a cell phone and I always tell him that I never had one and I did just fine! Yeah right I don't even want to buy them one when they're in high school unless I want to go super broke! Kids that get everything will never grow up to learn to manage money and might unbalance themselves if money becomes scarce one day!
THANK YOU! When I was in college, girls had boob implants and liposuction and carried their books on rainy days in $2000 Louis bags while driving their BMW 5 series. It was unreal.
Well. It is our hope that with frugal spending and proper saving that our kids *can* have a car when they go to college... but it also our priority to make sure they understand the value of money and hard work and have values.
SO. I am with you. Mostly. For the important stuff. :)
Blessings~
Amanda
You are absolutely right on all counts! I should say that I'm seeing a reverse trend, though. People are having to cut back a bit more, at least in my neck of the woods. We can't even rely on the idea that all the students have internet at home.
I have to teach them that they CAN go to the public library for free access (like I had to do in college). But this is something I have to teach. On top of the "gimme" generation, this is also one of negotiation. They try and negotiate their way out of EVERYTHING. Sadly, in our culture, it tends to work.
I didn't have a car until my sophomore year in college...and that's because I transferred from my private liberal arts college to WVU. So dad bought me a used Ford Tempo. :)
It was classy, I tell ya! :D
And we don't even have a flat screen in our house. ::le sigh::
And while I ABSOLUTELY agree with you, I find myself spoiling my kids anyway. It's bad, I know. :(
AGREE WHOLEHEARTEDLY!!!
Nothing is as valued as something worked for and earned one's self.
Brava, Mama!
i definitely hear ya on this. I'm stressed and my kids arent even in college yet. My 15 yr old knows which kids will have their own car by their 16th bday and which ones wont. Some already have their own laptops, all have gone on a very long vacation this summer to somewhere exotic. I cant keep up with the joneses if I had three more credit cards. I cant so I basically tell my kids all that stuff is bad for them, and I love them more than those parents love their kids....LOL
This is sick! I went to a very expensive university. So you'd think myself and everyone there would have it all. But the university wouldn't let Freshmen have parking spots. At all. And this particular city allowed no on-street over-night parking. So the one freshman I knew with a car, had to pay and arm and a leg to park in a private lot.
And tv? What that? Oh year, the 3 incher we all stood around to watch ER each week? That was my friend's as well.
I'm not saying kids didn't have a lot when I was in school. It's just that maybe at the school I was at parents actually expected kids to (gasp) study instead of screw around?
N'ah!
I absolutely agree with you - I cringe at how things will be when Princess Nagger reaches the college years 12 or 13 years from now...
Those parents aren't doing their kids (or the world) any favors. Stick to your guns about the Cozy Coupe.
Blessings,
Carolynn
Thank you for stopping by! I was just thinking today how awk teenage years must be.. and then I thought..w ait.. they can't be awk like WE had to endure.. they've got EVERYTHING to FIX any dilemmas out there.
flat irons
mineral makeup
abercrombie and fitch
text messaging
facebook for friends
dermatologists
pro=activ
counselors for feelings
nutrisystem instead of sports
cars on their 15th birthday INSTEad OF borrowing the stationwagon
ugghh..
and it goes on and on and on...
i sound 70 years old.
i plan to raise my girls as you've described.
d
I say the more suffering the better. Then you really get the full college experience. :)
I suffered. So should my kids. Or at least that is what I am saying now.
No, I cant imagine gifting those kinds of thinks to college freshman or sophomore or jr or senior...
No way!!! Is all I can say, my kids are so young, and one of my daughter's friends got an IPOD for her 6th Bday!! My other friends daughter got an IPod Touch for her 12th Bday, oy vey! Nothing came to us easy, I had to BEG, BEG, BEG for a freakin' pair of Nike's when I was 14!!! Ok, I need to calm down...
I loathe this pampering that goes on. And it starts early. I see 5 and 6 year old girls who regularly go to the salon with their mommmy's for mani's and pedi's. Please!
You're scarin' me! All that junk goes off to college? What's the bait for bringing them back again? Or is that the real point? Send them with car and TV and they are gone for good? I remember when my friend went away; his mother bought him a little thing to heat up his Ramen noodles right in his room. He was a spoiled brat back then. But we had just gotten out of the 70s.... When the foreclosures take place on these overextended people, at least the SUV and flat screen won't go on the block!
Trust me, after the time I've had with my family, I can tell you that what these parents are doing goes beyond indulgent: it is actively harmful.
The best thing we can teach our children is how not to need us anymore. And these parents are making their children dependents.
There is a young woman in my acquaintance who has been married for four years, with two children. I think she's 23. She left her husband because he couldn't afford for her to get weekly mani/pedis and her hair highlighted twice a month, finally put his foot down, and said they just can't afford it anymore.
How does a girl that age become accustomed to such luxury? Because Mom & Dad let her do it and paid for it from the time she was 12 until she married. They can pay for it again, I guess...she's back with them and they're shaking their heads, wondering what's going on.
My son is starting as a senior this year, and I'm always peppering conversations with what he WON'T have in college. Restaurant meals, someone doing his laundry, access to satellite TV (actually, I don't think I've mentioned that yet). My kids have a lot, but not at a rich kid level. I have tried to explain that there will be kids in college who are footing the bill 100% on their own who won't be able to afford to split a pizza once a month. Gosh, I hope that's true.
I don't understand how parents can think a kid will want to go out and earn a living and start from scratch if they're having all the little luxuries in college. Makes no sense to me at all.
We're just about to start the whole process here.
Breathe!
Good luck to your kids!!! And to you!!!
http://SuburbanKvetch.com
Forget all those others. Your kids live in the real world, where mom and dad work for a living. They'll survive, and then, thank you for not spoiling them. Well, maybe not.
I am with you on this. We know kids with the latest iphones and brand new laptops. Our kids are learning these things are not "essential" and just because others have them doesn't mean we must!
Thanks for visiting.
How true!! I'm with ya.
I never had a car in college. I had an old portable black & white TV that you couldn't barely get one or two channels on.
I didn't realize things had changed so much. Good luck to your kids in college.
Totally. I am with you all the way on this one. I just don't get how parents can ethically treat their kids this way. They are NOT doing them any favors. When I went to college we had to walk there, in the snow, up hill, both ways in our pajamas... ( never thought I would actually borrow this cliche from my parents, but it still applies, apparently).
Oh, I agree. Kids are spoiled these days. No wonder most of them act like brats.
My parents did get me a car but it was a few years old. Not brand new. I didn't get new clothes for college. I brought the ones I wore in high school. My room was nothing fancy and I had to share it with this chick who smelled like curry.
My kids will also be the ones without all that stuff. They've actually had to work to earn things (gasp).
Your kids will be better off for the lessons you've taught them.
Amen sister! Too many kids (and I will admit I felt this way for a while) feel that they should start out as good as their parents are now. A house right away, nice cars, etc. Our parents worked hard for what they have, I am working hard for what I am getting, and my children will work hard for themselves too. That is how they learn!
hahah! even without you explaining, the title already spoke for itself! i can relate!!
I feel like I'm starting to comment the same thing every time: AMEN SISTER!
Seriously, though, you are RIGHT ON. I fear for how this generation will turn out--having been coddled and raised on instant gratification.
Debbie, you are SO right. Kids need to either work to help support themselves, or volunteer, or both while they are in school. It is the only way they will grow up and into the mature adults that will rule our world. Giving back. Appreciating.
Woe to the parents who keep doling out whatever the kid wants. I sadly know a few like that, and I also know what happened to their kids as a result. It wasn't a pretty picture. When will they learn?
The truth is, it's a lot easier to give your kids money than time, attention, discipline, moral grounding....
It's downright scary what is going on in other people's homes now days.
I seriously figured college kids would be using old tv's they found in a dumpster - at least that's what mine will be using; no flat screens here. I guess I may need to hook him up with his very own converter box :D for his outdated TV.
So true. Spoiled rotten was never more apt terminology. What do they have to strive for now? Do they even KNOW how to strive for something? When they get in the real world and have to earn those things for themselves, it will be, as they say, a rude awakening.
Parents of spoiled rotten kids: you're not doing them any favors.
I still have a projection TV and an old Camery!
... I think I might go back to school ;-)
I still have a projection TV and an old Camery!
... I think I might go back to school ;-)
OOOPS!
I guess that was a double down ??
I totally agree.
I think perhaps it's worse in your country but it does happen here too.
My children have all had to work for what they have ..or they don't have it.
I've bought none of them a car!
I did buy my 18 year old a bicycle!
He would like, of course, some hotted up somethingorother ...which is fine with me ...it will take him a long time to save up for it!
I did buy them phone for safety ...when they left HOME ...to go to University ...
We actually only give homemade gifts at Christmas...
Life is to short to waste it on money!
Kids need to learn that some things you have to work for... they shouldn't be given EVERYTHING... they will have nothing to look forward to in life... you're RIGHT... SOME PARENTS are out of control!
ENJOY your weekend... I hope you get equal time on the computer... LOL!
I agree with you... I think kids need goals and if they already have everything they want, like you said... where is the motivation!
Came by to say Hi and to thank you for visiting my blog a couple of weeks ago... sorry it took so long for me to get back to you!
As a child, I always thought it was unfair that I didn't have all the things some of my friends had. (And I never knew how good I really had it.)
When I got a bit older, I appreciated the things I did have and that I had to work for. When I bought my first car, I loved it to pieces (literally) because it was MINE. I bought it. I cleaned it. I paid the insurance and gas. (It was a geo so no payments.) That lesson was worth more than anything monetary my parents could have given me (and yet, they've still given me more than I'll ever be able to repay).
I'm in absolute and total agreement with you. I have a friend who has worked hard to give her children EVERYTHING - the home, the horses, the private education - and at age 17 her daughter has flunked out of school (even though she is a straight A's kid), is living with an unemployed tattoo artist and can't even shift herself to get a job - the state pays for her accommodation and her food. Oh yes, and according to the daughter it's all the mother's fault because she's a workaholic...Make em work for it! It's better parenting. PS How will a child find time to study when there's a tv in the dorm?
I don't think that the items you give to your child matter so much as the values that you instill in them as they grow. We don't know these families nor do we know the strenght or love their family background provides. Assumptions are being made here. This is not kind or fair.
I'm 51 years old and will never forget the excitement of receiving my brand new car at age 18. I also remember having to leave it home for a semester because my parents wanted me to learn my way around campus on foot....a good idea on their part. I worked during the summers, not during the school year. I paid for my clothes.
Every young person with giving parents is not spoiled, nor is every young person with giving parents doomed. I feel like we are engaging in a type of profiling that is unkind.
Everyone and every family is unique and individual.
kids with everything: the story of my job. i work at a very tony private school and my car (a honda) is laughable compared to what my juniors and seniors are tooling around in. (think lexus, bmw, range rovers, convertible mercedes, etc).
i am strict with the students...and they actually respond. maybe parents need to step up and make boundaries and lay down some rules instead of letting kids run the show. parenting shouldn't be just 'giving in to the child's whims because it's easier'. parenting is a LOT of hard work and yes, sometimes you have to be the bad guy and the heavy...but your kids will turn out for the better!
ahem. okay, i'm done ranting. :)
ps. when i was in high school, i was driving the Dodge IMAGINARY. ha.
I wanna know what the parents do to afford to spend all that money one their kids. Poor kids will never learn how to make it on their own.
Ditto. Couldn't have said it better. :)
LOL....
Yeah....just look at the situation our country is in....trillions in the hole......and not much to show for it. What you are seeing now has been going on for a generation back. That's why this new group in washington has a mind set of "Never mind the fact that we are broke and can't afford it, just print up more bills and buy buy buy" Oh yeah....fun times....at our cost.
Hope your day is beautiful
Instant gratification does seem to be the name of the game... It's terrible. We are fighting against it here too.
And six people on one desktop? Won't it collapse under the weight?
I agree with you! I am totally baffled by what I am seeing - even living in my own home -part of which I have no say - they are not my children- It sure does make my parenting of my own harder. But I KNOW they will have been taught, and it will be their choice in how far they will go. Watching the 22 year old move in post-college has been a shocker with the sense of entitlement - to the point that we are too clean the bathroom behind her - NOT! I kindly ranted here (since hubby reads, blog, I tamed my true thoughts ;)
http://thegreengrassgrowsallaround.blogspot.com/2009/07/veggie-avoiding-vegetarian.html
You are so right. This has all gotten so far out of hand. Parents understandably want their kids to have more than they did but handing it all over isn't the way. They're setting these kids up for a great deal of frustration. Stick to your guns.
amen, sister. amen.
First off, thanks for dropping by my blog and leaving a comment!
As grandparents, we did do our fair amount of spoiling, particularly if we had extra money to do so, but never with the intent to teach them that money, materialism, and selfishness are qualities to adhere to. Nowdays, children learn how to be materialisticly exclusive and simply grow up to be adults who are materialisticly exclusive. I don't live in a Country Club and I'm sure that the Country Club women would not be caught dead at my house! It's a vicious circle, and I'm not that it will ever change. I'll just continue to sing "Don't worry, be happy!" :)
It burns my boat and gets my goat! Even in primary school, I find this happening; heaven forbid I should teach my kids how to make tea or hoover; the horror on the other mums faces was priceless.... I don't judge them for dressing their 9 year old child and buying him clothes which would pay my mortgage, why should I be judged for making my kids work a little and save up money for those things they might want or as is more likely, realise that it was hard work saving up for 6 months and decide to save the money for something much better and just around the corner. Grrr. :O) xx
You are definitely helping to prepare your kids for the long run! In school there were some kids who had everything and some kids whose parents made them work and even just being out such a short period the already successful ones are the ones whose parents didn't hand them everything :)
What?? A flatscreen? In a dorm?? I don't even have a flatscreen!
My husband teaches in the richest suburb of our city of Rochester, NY and we live in the suburb next door (because of taxes) but we are still close and it amazes me that his High School students drive cars that are 3 times the cost of my car.
thanks for stopping by my blog! Fun to "meet" ya!
Blessings,
LMM
i had my dads old pick up while i was in college. i cleaned houses for cash so i could afford the insurance and gas. Yup, sure made me appreciate things a lot more. i loved that old truck :)
We're wearing the same shoes!!! Infact, our kids will have to pay for their own schooling. OH THE HORROR!!!!! We're 15 minutes away from a University, so they can go there, or where-ever else they choose. Either way it's up to them. I was listening to Suzie Orman (I think it was her) sometime back, and she said that parents don't owe their children a college education. We should be preparing for our retirement as not to be a burden to the child later.
Don't get me wrong, I'd love to be in a financial position to pay their way, but we're not. Such is life.
I have a feeling, your kids will still love and adore every bit of you, and will "someday" be grateful. Really truly!!
Have a good day.
Sandra
i got into a heated discussion with a lady at work about this - she was complaining that her son wasn't going to get to keep his scholarship because of his D average. and how the first year should be a gimmy.
i told her about how i had to work my rear off for everything i had in college, including the student loans i left with...her response? "you want better for your kids"
how can it be "better" to let a kid think the world is going to hand them stuff? i'm quite proud of the hard work i did through college - it taught me the less that made me into the debt free woman i am today.
can't get much "better" than that.
Oh, wow. It was on its way to getting this bad when I started college in the Fall of '98, but not as bad as people bringing flat screens. I remember being really jealous b/c my roommate's dad let her bring her car, bought her a large TV, and a new lap top. I've read some articles in the paper about parents even calling professors to argue about grades/projects!!!!
On another note, thanks for the comment. :) Do you ever use a bread machine cookbook or find any recipes online? :)
I am moving a freshmen into a dorm next week. It is a small private college also! I noticed at orientation that everyone was driving WOW cars! I thought they belonged to the parents! Wrong! The kids were driving them! I could redo my kitchen for what I am paying for a decorated dorm room, new wardrobe, etc. I agree! It is the parents, not the kids! I most certainly did not start college this way!
I so agree with you on this! I am amazed at kids today. They expect everything to be given to them. They dont think that hard work should be expected of them. I want to know where the line is for the free handouts, because Im apparently missing out!
Sad to say that my generation is starting to become parents and because they have been pampered there is a new breed of spoiled kids emerging and I fear it's only going to get worse. Don't get me wrong do I love to spoil my son? Uh yes then I get the good hugs lol. Does it happen often? nope that's what makes special things special is that they are few and far between
Im sure you've been bringing up your kids with good values since the git-go, so no worries!
i totally whole heartedly agree..
xoxo
hugs
shraddha
I remember being a junior in high school and finding it so infuriating that my father thought I was the luckiest girl in the world to have a used Renault Alliance at my disposal. Apparently, he didn't get the memo that 16 year old girls at my school got Suzuki Samuris for earning their drivers licenses... I'm glad that I didn't have everything come to me so easily (easily enough to be grateful - but not so easily that I never learned to work hard for what I want). Wonder what my kids will moan and groan about...
I remember being a junior in high school and finding it so infuriating that my father thought I was the luckiest girl in the world to have a used Renault Alliance at my disposal. Apparently, he didn't get the memo that 16 year old girls at my school got Suzuki Samuris for earning their drivers licenses... I'm glad that I didn't have everything come to me so easily (easily enough to be grateful - but not so easily that I never learned to work hard for what I want). Wonder what my kids will moan and groan about...
Girl I am with ya on this!! We do the earn your money, save your money, use YOUR money system!! They find something they want, they plan ahead and save up for it. I see it too, and I don't get it.....never will!!
I will have two children in college this year (have had for the past 2 years). Three children who overlap. One graduated from college; one from highschool. One has been in college for 2 years now. Confused? I never graduated from college; so my explainin' skills are somewhat messed up.
Anywho. Yes, we purchased another laptop this wkend...wish we had tax free day; but I would send the hubs to deal with that.
Anywho again. My daughter is extremely upset that she is taking the 10 year old Hyundai, standard transmission no less, while her best friend is getting a brand new car. Her 2nd brand new car come to think of it. Last night though she told me she only needed a pair of new jeans for school. I thought I misunderstood her at first. Luckily for me, there is a trend with her friends to wear thrift store clothing. I know any sense of entitlement she has though comes straight from moi. Well, this was an overly long comment, just what you need when you don't have a laptop. And I'm number 135. or so.
(what is a netbook?)
good luck :)
I skipped all the other commenters, so forgive if I repeat.
I feel the same way as you on this, and I like to *think* that my parenting is different.
I taught high school and college for several years, and the main thing I took away from that experience is how NOT to parent.
Teach work, teach accountability, squash entitlement. Amen.
You are not alone. My kids are right along with yours at college. And they share the family mini-van when they need to go somewhere. And it's 10 years old.
I agree with you ... there is value in earning things yourself and learning how much things cost and not having it handed to you. And when I went to college, almost NO ONE had a car ... it was a total novelty. In fact, most of us STILL didn't have cars upon graduation. And no one had their own TVs ... let alone flat screen TVs bigger than ones in most homes. It isn't right.
Hear hear!!! I have this problem ALLTHETIME! Why do people do it? There have been studies which show that kids who are able exercise self-restraint from early on are the most successful later in life both in work and relationships. It's really not rocket science though is it?!
Oy!
Most college kids I know will have a significantly LOWER lifestyle once they graduate and get a job. Real life is not nearly a generous as some parents are. Sounds like your kids will be just fine.
xo
Yeah..I had a car I bought myself! And, a very small TV...I won't understand that whole "gimme and I'll take it" generation!
totally agree. these parents are making your life more difficult, but more importantly, they're making their CHILDREN's lives difficult, and THEIR own for that matter, because they are undoubtedly living beyond their means. it's bullshit! stand firm - your kids will love you for it
It's parenting by the lazy way. As children, if my brother and I did something wrong, we got spankings. You weren't given "time outs" and asked what you wanted and given the "all new rage" toys. For college years, we both worked and paid our way through tuition (which, I'm happy to say neither of us ended up with any student loans)... Kids (and parents) are spoiled.
Your kids are so much better off, as you already know. What you are teaching them now will reap benefits for them and you as parents in the future years. Your kids, just like my kids, will be so much further ahead then those that given everything without having to work for it. You are a very wise woman!
I 100% agree. I think we parent similarly, and other parents irritate me to death. They think I'm MEAN for not handing my kids everything and teaching them responsibility. (OK, I AM mean, but not for those reasons.)
We only have one TV. It's not flatscreen. It's not huge. It's in a room that requires a CHOICE to watch it. (I.E., it's almost never on unless we choose to watch a movie.) My kids will NOT take a car to college. I never had one. I bought my first car when I was 23, and at that point in my life, my parents had PLENTY of money to buy me a car. Do I resent that they didn't? No. I'm GLAD they didn't. I had some pride in the fact that I earned things myself. I HOPE I'm teaching my children the same. I think you are, and your kids will be ahead of the rest. (Except that it seems whiners get their way so much these days that it really concerns me, but honestly, someone who knows how to work and takes pride in their own achievement--not handouts--must be ahead of the rest of the pack.)
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