Not so much physically. Not my body or my hair or anything like that. Frankly, I don't want to think about that aspect of how I look too much because if I wanted to change those things, that would entail work. On my part. Like exercise. And I'm just not prepared to go there.
No, what I am so tired of is how I dress. I look frumpy. Tired. And I don't look like I was stylish a few years ago. I pretty much have a look that screams that I haven't ever been stylish.
Most days, I'm just here at home and the only poor souls that are subjected to seeing me are relatives. Since I still do all the laundry, cooking, and shopping, chances are good that they aren't going to complain anytime in the near future.
Occasionally I do venture outside the house. It is on these days that I am so very disappointed in myself. Because inside myself I feel young, vibrant, appealing.Outside, I'm a mess.
But I'm caught in that time of life where I look foolish in clothes designed for teenagers. And I don't really want to wear clothes that look too mature.So, what's a 40-something woman to do?
Oh well. I guess I'll just continue to dress old and wrinkly. At least my clothes match my skin.
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104 comments:
Your last line cracked me up...and are they wrinkles or signs of a great life? :)
Oh, I am so with you on this one. There's GOTTA be something between Juicy Couture and matching jogging suits. I know there are business clothes and such, but I, like you, stay at home. Something nice, age appropriate, comfortable and affordable just doesn't seem to be asking too much.
You could nominate yourself for that What Not To Wear show, and then you could have 5,000 dollars to spend on new matching jogging suits.
I feel exactly the same way!
Oh I know how you feel. I sit here in my pjs feeling like I should get dressed! But no energy to do so! Argh!
I'm with Tammy and The Queen! The other option is go make friends with some gay guys your age...they tend to have fabulous fashion savvy!
Sigh. I know just how you feel. That's why I never change out of my yoga pants and t-shirts-- I don't work out, but at least if I *look* like I'm going to the gym, my appearance is excused. At least in my head.
It seems like you have much more important things going on than a new wardrobe - family is so important (I know you don't disagree).
Maybe a great new pair of jeans or two would do the trick? You have to go in with time and patience, because women have to try different sizes and styles. (And do be afraid to check clearance/sales - that's where all my jeans come from!) But a pair of sassy jeans can make a girl feel wonderful.
Either way, we like you wrinkled and all.
Ack, sorry. DON'T be afraid to peruse sales and clearance. Don't.
I was just thinking the same thing about myself yesterday! Generally, I don't mind how I look (although I could use some exercise), but the clothes thing. I am going for comfy these days and it shows. There are many days I feel totally frumpy and shapeless. I did get a couple of new tops and some new pants, which did wonders for how I felt. It's all a feeling thing, isn't it?! Maybe some day I'll enlist some stylish friend for a makeover. Just not yet... :) Hugs, Silke
P.S. I'm sort of relieved you don't always look like the woman on your blog banner...;)
Wraps. I'm into wraps that cover it all up and then you look like you have a sophisticated air or something. . .
Your last line cracked me up too. I think there are plenty of stylish things that are not too young looking. Have you tried looking around in the misses section of Kohl's, Old Navy, or even Target? They have some great items on a budget.
What's wrong with jeans and a sweat shirt??
I dress for comfort, pure and simple!
What about LL Bean? They're casual but great for really any age. They are on the pricey end but one of my favorite things to do is find an outfit I'd love then go to Target or a similarly priced department store and "recreate" the look. Way cheaper, kind of fun and in the end you get a nice look that you know you put together yourself! Good luck on this one, I'm 33 and already feeling out of touch with what's fashionable for gals my age.
You need to go SHOPPING! Yay!
Us 40 somethings stay at homes face the same dilemma. We are overlooked in the fashion field. Not that I would know what to once I got there.
I am wearing sweat pants all the time now. Something I swore I would never do. sad face.
I'm right there with you...and I agree with Tammy and The Queen.
Besides, isn't 40 supposed to be the new 20 or 30? Apparently the clothing industry never got the memo.
;)
Aack. Sounds like the boat I was in. All of my clothes were either Business Suit Fabu or sweat suit comfy.
I've finally gotten into the groove at yes, I'm at home now, but I don't have to be frumpy.
Not Your Daughter's Jeans brand- fabulous for women our age. Yes, pricey. But buy one pair and save for shopping, casual night out, etc.
Light sweaters instead of T's.
Cool clogs instead of sneakers.
SCARVES. SCARVES. SCARVES. Great time of year for them. Cheap and they dress up everything from T's to jackets to sweat shirts.
Anyway, the above is what made me feel better without dieting, exercise or a pricey face lift.
I wish I could take you shopping! My mom is in her late 40s, so my sister and I help make sure she dresses like the yummy grandmummy that she is. We refuse to let her look frumpy or dress inappropriately for her age. IMHO, its all about the bottoms. Start at Gap for a fantastic pair of jeans. My mom looks awesome in Gap jeans!. Gap doesn't really work for me, so I wear Bandalino jeans (which I got at Ross for under $20) which go high enough to cover the baby pooch, but are low enough that I still feel kinda sexy. Another style that is really cute is a tunic-type top or dress over jeans. As long as its a slimmer sort of dress, it'll look great over jeans. My mom and I will actually buy JR. dresses in large or x-large because they tend to be shorter,so they look better layered over jeans. I'm a size 16 and my moms a 12, so we're not exactly skinny-minnies.
I use a headphone radio to help me pass the time while walking or jogging. It really helps!
Secretia
Did you crawl into my brain??? I have the same issues.
Shopping shopping shopping!! Depending what you want, hit up Gap for jeans (love the new styles) and Banana Republic for some cute tops. No need to look like a teen or a grandma at all. But, I can commisserate, even with a closet full of great clothes I have days where I feel just....meh...at the prospect of wearing any of them in public.
I long ago accepted that my sweats are a part of my daily "uniform." I like to think that my bubbly personality makes up for my outwardly appearance.
At least, that is what I grumble to myself as I jealously look at those around me. :)
-Francesca
stacy and clinton would recommend a blazer with underpinning. although i suspect they've never been grocery shopping in tennessee.
I often look around and see girls dress up in the latest styles and think there's no way I can pull that off. So, I continue to wear regular jeans and comfortable shirts, rather than high boots over skinny jeans and some sort of cute scarf. I don't even know how to pull something like that off.
You know, I've been thinking the same thing...and said "aw nuts" to it all and started wearing whatever I want :)
I'm sure you look amazing.
It's all about the accessories! Um, children can be accessories, right?
Quite honestly, I think looking stylish entails just as much work as a new hairstyle or dropping some pounds. At least for me. Luckily I found a friend who bossed me around until I started dressing a little nicer. She moved, but the ideas stuck. And when all else fails, I buy new lip gloss.
haha! try just watching what not to wear and get good pointers! :D
REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES...I wish I did. I was called "beanpole" in school. I was hoping the curves I had when I was pregnant would stick around after my kiddo's birth. No such luck! Deflated and sagged is my look. Take care.
You are so funny! I love all the pictures you used. LOL You are so not alone! I'm right there with you!!
You are so funny! I love all the pictures you used. LOL You are so not alone! I'm right there with you!!
I would offer some advice but a 51-year-old woman who wears Converse all-stars and naughty t-shirts probably isn't someone you should listen to.
I always wear tops (cotton), never tee shirts, sweats or track suits. I just pair a cute top with some flattering jeans and I think that's enough of an effort! I'm 41 and do wear low rise jeans....Hee hee. Check out Old Navy - they have some nice things that don't look frumpy or "too young".
You should try having to run a goat farm....
you are too funny..
i so so relate..
I am almost forty and have to be careful not to dress like a teenager but it's hard to find in between. I find that Old Navy, Gap and Express has clothes you can't go wrong in.
I just advertised for three stores, I should get something for that, ha ha!
What a great post! I love the pictures. You always catch me off guard with them. Lol. I'm turning 40 this month on the 28th, gee, more things to look foward to, eh?
I remember when I was a kid and I'd see women with curlers in their hair in the supermarket. Back then it was OK to look like that in public during the day, but not OK to have anything less than a perfect hair-do when the man of the house came home. Things have changed and now, thanks to the women's movement, I can look frumpy both at home and in public! That's not so bad is it? - G
Oh honey, I just did a post on that....a coupla days ago.....but damn you say it good :))
I'm younger than you and i know i dress frumpily. *sigh* But frumpy so often means comfy it's hard to tell teh difference...
It's my neck that keeps me from looking in the mirror...
I'm the only frumpy one at my workplace. How's that? Make you feel better? At least you can stay home and feel that way! :-) I have to go and face the music. Sigh.
I feel the same way at 30!
"I am so tired of the way I look."
We can definitely be best friends...LOL
You're not alone!
My FAVORITE hip/cool/age appropriate designer is Diane Von Furstenberg...esp. the wrap dress. You could wear them with flip flops or heels. THE BEST!
LOVE the frump pics...cracked me up. I don't believe for ONE SECOND that you go out looking like that. NOT FOR ONE SECOND.
Heh...you get a Mom Uniform. Dark wash, straight leg jeans. A fitted t-shirt. A flattering color of a fleece or cardigan to go over it when you go out. A pair of big sunglasses, a pair of black ankle boots, maybe a little scarf.
(Yes, I'm quoting what I remember from a magazine. And I'm currently wearing a black sweatshirt that fit when Siu Jeun was born, and a pair of black track pants with hot-pink stripes down the side. WARM won out over STYLE today. It does most days. ;-))
I'm 41. I bought a pair of skinny legged jeans and ballerina flats. Every time I wear them I get TONS of compliments and my 10 yr old told me (in a complimentary way) that I look like a teenager. I highly recomment them.
The SECRET of them is, they draw attention to your ankles, which are the skinnest part of the leg! No one notices my hips are fat, cause they are looking at my skinny leg ankles. And asking me if I've lost weight. (I wish!) Try them!
We're in the same head space these days. My post tomorrow is about how I dress too.
"At least my clothes match my skin." That's hysterical.
xo
well thats all very true. But isnt it whats inside that counts...look at all these people running to your blog, and we have no idea what you look like at all!!
(This is what keeps me going, the whole its whats inside that counts...cause my outside, hm, not stylish and never been either..)
Didn't I teach you about tiaras already? They make every day a happier day and every outfit a party outfit.
Oh god, I am so with you here :)
I totally get what you're saying. Maybe it's just something girls our age have to go through?
there is a personalized shopper ooption at Macy's. You make an appointment, tell them your budget and they will recommend different outfit options to you depending on the occasion. Its totally free coz they expect to make you go all weak in the knees looking at their outfit but at least you can get some great accessorizing ideas............ and then you ditch them and go to Target or Burlington coat factory and shop the exact same thing for half the price!! :P
This 42 year old is here to say there is an in between!! :)
I don't have anything useful to add, especially as I intend to wear clothes designed for teenagers for the rest of my life...
...but you definitely don't want to go exercising, from what I've heard it is bad for us.
I'm with jennymac. Your last line rocks!
I hear you about the fashion thing. It seems like you can dress in teeny bopper or your great grandmother. No middle ground. Ugh.
I got news for you kid. It doesn't get any easier when you turn sixty because the secret is, even then, inside you still feel young, vibrant and appealing. You just stop looking in mirrors or having your picture taken.
When I'm writing, just hanging around the house, I wear yoga pants, comfy, comfy, comfy! I have two wardrobes. I keep my nice clothes and shoes in the closet in my office, when I venture in to that closet, I know I'm about to don my "other look". It's a good policy. Good topic!
Live. Love. Laugh. Leave the fashion and primping to those not quite as happy as us, I say!
:)
i dont wear reel fancie cloths eether, i try to be nise on the innside.
i love to dress in comfy--always have. and i'm most comfy in wrinkles. x0
I love dressing comfy -- I just don't get to do it all that often!! Pricilla's comment just cracked me!! LOL!!
Oh, do I hear you, sister. If I were to wear jeans with the current, trendy "rise", they'd have to have the circumfrence of a boat tarp.
But these days my "natural waist" is belted by the bottom elastic of my bra, and I'm thinkin' there's just NO way to sexy that look up.
Add to that the fact that I'm not that great a cook or laundress, and I could well be on my way to living out of a shopping cart under the viaduct.
Yep, I'm right with you on this! (As I sit in my jammies and robe)
Same. Same.
And it took of 2.5 seconds after moving away from all my fashionable mom friends to find my sweatshirts! LOL!
I am hopeless.
Same troubles here. And the stuff that looks nicer is always so darn uncomfortable, too.
LOL I hear ya. I hear ya. Closing in on 40 fast and my clothes look it too.
Whats wrong with living in sweats? And sleeping in sweats. . . and shopping in sweats?
I have given up.
the Loft (by Ann Taylor). There stuff is awesome and it's not made for teens!
yoga pants are my best friend. I don't know why I didn't give in to them years ago!! Oh, and a bra...forget about it.
You are too much!
I need a makeover and attitude adjustment to get me back on the elliptical. But at the end of the day, I just can't make myself do it.
When you get motivated, can you motivate me, too?
Well, I'm currently sitting here in pants with an elastic waistband, a t-shirt about 3 sizes too big, and no bra. Oh, and no undies or socks either.
And I have a scrunchy in my hair.
Still wanna take fashion advice from me?
I've often thought that I need to nominate myself for the show, "What Not To Wear". My husband points out that the receiver is not supposed to know about it. So how about I nominate you and then you nominate me? This could work...
You could hang out with me. My #1 fashion requirement is to be comfortable. Which may be seen as, um, sloppy and grungy.
What a timely post...I was having this very conversation with my hubs (poor audience). "I want to purge the old menopausal wardrobe!!"
I use to be the QUEEN of accessories.....scarves, bobbles and bangles, everything to tie the perfect ensemble together. Now, I'm lucky if I get the necessary undergarments on for the rare if ever occasions I leave the house. Which is mainly to protect the ultra chic women (just returning from their weekly spa and nail salon sessions) from permanent retinal damage, they'd get from their stares (of disapproval) they're sure to give me. My hubby's only response was... "if you donate your clothes, does that mean your just gonna turn around and buy them all over again?" "Hmmm,Yes, but much more classier chic over 50 look...if there's such a thing!" He says, "I say keep the old look... it's just fine for someone your age."
Sweet wishes,
Sara
Love the last line.
I indulged in some fake tan on Friday in an effort to look more perky (or alive, one or the other). I am now a blotchy, orange of me.
Moral? Don't bother cares what we look like apart from ourselves.
Yes, I'm familiar. As a dumpling-shaped gal, I cannot be fashionable. I avoid frumpiness by wearing a lot of jewelry. At least now, people are goggling at my excess in whole new ways...
Wow you opened a can of worms here! :) Can't go wrong with a great fitting pair of jeans & nice shoes. And turtlenecks! And twinsets! That's my new mantra. I can't seem to pull off the blouse. Of course, I usually wear ratty jeans, tshirts, a hoodie and my keds when I go out. But then whatever I wear gets various 'kid' fluids on it. At least you don't have that to contend with :)
I hear ya! I'm thinking I need a lovely new pair of tall leather boots so I can tuck in my skinny leg jeans and feel chic. I'll let you know how it goes. From one 40 something to another.
I totally feel your pain on this. I don't want to dress like I am trying to look like a teenager. I also don't want to dress like my mother (ever). The thing I find the most difficult is when you actually have to dress for a night out
j crew is always good!
I know how you feel... I don't like my style lately either. Most of the time I wear my pjs. But even when I go to the store, I still put on my favorite jeans and t-shirt. Boring! Oh well.
I've got the same style as you! And I love it...
About 5 years ago, I was desperately searching for something to wear to my wedding. I was heavily pregnant (in fact my labour pains started at the wedding party). In a backstreet in Milan's fashion district I bumped into a silver-haired, highly tanned man in a very swish track suit flanked by suits. Only later did I realise it was Giorgio Armani and I should have demanded to know why he didn't design decent clothes for pregnant women. Now I'm 46 and would like to bump into Armani again, the only difference being that now I speak enough Italian to demand that he design a range for US - you and me and all the other stay-at-home 40 somethings who want to carry on feeling and looking good in their clothes!
I'm trying to figure out comfortable & stylish. I just now it's not supposed to include a fanny pack, so I'm good on that one.
Okay Debbie, snap out of it! You are an inspiration to all of us. I've been there, know how you feel. But you have to get up, fix your face, put on something decent and then go SHOPPING! I tell you I have found a new place (new to me) and I love to shop there, NO teeny bopper clothes! I love the Dress Barn, their clothes are so pretty, feminine, and not over priced. Not sure if you have one there, but you can check them out on line. They may even have a catalog, not sure. But I know you can pull yourself out of this funk. Don't let the 40's get you, b/c the 50's are coming! Ha! Hugs to you my friend! Renea
A top fashion designer once said "fashion fades but style is eternal." Finding the right mix of design style, color, fabric, and proper garment fit, is always a challenge. If you find clothing that you absolutely love, and it's not a budget buster, then go with your gut instinct. I think the norm for the average-Joe is to dress comfortable-sloppy at home, but dress comfortable-non-sloppy when in public. I'm just not a fan of the trendy clothing, or the Slop-N-Go look.
I'm nearing 40 and my outfit of choice is a pair of jeans, cotton shirt and some flats. Now that it's getting cooler it will be jeans and a sweater with boots. I try to stay away from sweatshirts 'cause they are just never flattering.
Like I'm a fashion expert.
Go to Old Navy. They have the trendy stuff and it's fairly inexpensive. Just copy what they have on the mannequins.
Or look in magazines, find styles you like and copy the look.
Good luck!
HA! We're in the same boat. I'm ready to toss out my entire closet.
LOL, I'm right there with ya. However my problem is that I'm still wearing clothes that I've worn for 7 years! I hate shopping so I am just this frumpy looking woman that tries to hide the holes in her pants with safety pins!
It's pretty pathetic.
Anthropology. It works. It's cute, it's trendy, and it's not too young. Try boden.com, too. They aren't the cheapest places in the world, but they do have sales and sales are a good thing. Also, Ann Taylor Loft and Banana Republic offer some great options, too. Even the Gap has stuff that is appropriate for your age. The key is fit. Make sure you aren't buying too large because it looks dumpy. And...because you are home all day, it may be easier to stick with easy-wash fabrics like cotton, but those stores have a lot of easy-care items available. You will feel better if you do it. I promise.
Oh gosh yes. I have somehow managed to forget how to dress. I wander round stores limply picking things up, but not actually being able to put together an outfit, or judge what would look good. Or fit. I'm thinking of sticking to bin bags, as anything I put on looks so crap it may as well be a bin bag.
Stop taking pictures of my wardrobe! (and yes, that is often my work wardrobe as well as my other wardrobe)
Newportnews.com. I LOVE their clothes. Stylish and classy. But they can be a little pricey. Catch things on clearance. (Right now clearance is all summer stuff.)
I know how you feel. I work for the State and am surrounded by people who are much older than I. I don't really care what they think and most of the time it just seems like, why bother? Why bother getting all gussied up to hang out with these people all day? But then my boyfriend and I have a "date night" and I realize I hate my clothes!
I always go for what's most comfortable - which isn't always the best idea :D
I know! But what feels better than old jeans and a sweater? Not much for me! I'm very into 'comfy'.
So I love your blog, and I gave you an award today! Come check it out! And keep up the wonderful posting!
"At least my clothes match my skin." LOL! You are too funny!
I am with you on this and I am 25! I feel like those people from TLC should come to my house and give me a make over because I look bad!
http://www.thewannabewahm.com
I have the same frumpy problem. I hate taking off my sweats to put on jeans just to go to the store. And having to go someplace fancier? Major problem.
ME too. I have to borrow clothes for "events" because I'm generally in old Levi's and a sweatshirt. Hot.
You are so funny! I am not stylish at all. I never was. I try to put a funky necklace and cool earrings on sometimes and then I feel like I am playing dress up. Maybe some day I will be stylish. For now I will just be happy to be regular and blah! : )
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