Now We're Talking Resolutions

Resolution time again. Didn't we just do this like a year ago?

I know resolutions are the thing to do so I sat down and really gave it some thought. Then, the voice of my mother rang through my head saying, "If it's not broke, don't fix it." Plus, "Leave well enough alone." And that classic, "Don't mess with perfection."

What's a girl to do? I did the only thing I could do under those circumstances. I accepted the fact that I was not going to make any resolutions for myself this year.

Then I made some for other people. I'm just giving like that. It's a wonder to me I don't always win those altruism awards.

Without further ado, I present my resolutions for everyone else for 2010.

Susan Boyle is resolving to learn another song. Yes, we were all blown away the first 30 times we heard her belt that bad boy out. But even Milli Vanilli knew two or three songsKanye West is resolving to pick on someone his own age and size. However, other stars are quite disappointed in this resolution. Coincidence or not, one can't help noticing that after he acted like a spoiled preschooler and grabbed that award out of Taylor's hand, she hasn't lost. These next two are just resolving to go away. And hopefully to remember that there were eight other people in that family. Just a trivial fact they seem to have forgotten long ago.

Speaking of families, this next resolution is being made by the bulk of a family. Michael Jackson's family is finally going to let the man be put to rest. Yes, that means even the brothers who forgot to develop careers or talents of their own.
Keith Urban resolves to choose only one of the following: shag, mullet, high-contrast highlights, or extreme straightening. Oh, and to get a razor.
These people have already had to resolve through the court system not to profit from their admitted balloon hoax for five years. In 2010, they are going to do the right thing and resolve to never profit from that. And to take some parenting classes.
Adrien Brody resolves to give his mom back her cardigan and feather scarf, get a professional to do his hair, and give those shorts back to the retiree he stole them from on a Florida golf course.
And this gentleman resolves to give a large chunk of his fortune to his wife as well as become very well-acquainted with the return address of the local STD testing clinic.
Whew, I'm exhausted. It is terribly hard work helping other people live better lives. Maybe I should have just stuck to myself after all.

But what fun is that?