In Easton, PA, it appears a man broke into a home, cut his hair, took a shower, fried up some chicken, and was noshing on the chicken in front of the TV when the homeowner came in. I don't know. If the chicken was good and he made plenty, I might be inclined to look the other way. If, and this is a big if, he swept that hair up off the floor. I'd really be ticked to come home to hair droppings everywhere.
For this next one, I'm just going to have to quote directly from the Associated Press because there is just no way to paraphrase this and still do it justice. "A driver whose SUV plunged into a Northern California creek after he was startled by his hands-free cell phone device escaped the sinking vehicle by blasting out the window with a handgun." The 28 year old man is employed as an armed security guard.I think that's great. I know I would feel more secure having someone guard me or my property carrying a gun when the guy can get so freaked out from a cell phone that he runs his car into a creek. Wonder what he'd do if a spider sat down beside him?
A 42 year old man in Fon du Lac, Wisconsin was cited for unnecessary loud noise after a neighbor complained of very loud music coming from the man's apartment. The loud music in question - no, not some heavy metal band, hip/hop or gansta rap. This rocker was getting his groove on to John Denver. I sure don't blame that neighbor for being upset. It is almost a proven fact that it is a slippery slope from John Denver to meth lab. 
Finally, in an odd twist to the proverbial "biting off the nose that you grew up eating beside", a Jonesville, Michigan woman has been charged with biting off a significant part of her sister's nose during an argument. I've been spitting mad a time or two in my life but I can promise you, I never considered putting another human's nose into my mouth and biting.
I don't know about you all but I always feel so much more normal after taking a stroll down the current events lane. I just pray a cell phone doesn't startle me on my stroll.
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108 comments:
I have never bitten someone's nose but, come to think of it, they are very much bitesized aren't they!
It is SO American to have a hand gun in a car. Not that I like making generalisations, have overlooked the fact that he is a security guard or have any preconceived notions of American behaviour...
What? Am I actually first? I may have to bite off someone's nose in a barbaric act of celebration.
Wow..these are too too much..glad to be informed though..Im a bit behind on my current affairs..now I feel right up to par...and a little bit better about myself..Thanks..!
I feel normal too..
I do not bite either not nice.
Hey! I'll have NO badmouthing of John Denver. Because life ain't nuthin but a funny, funny riddle.
I love me some John Denver...thank god I'm a country boy! This made me laugh. Thanks for starting my day off right.
And thanks for stopping by my little spot of the cyberuniverse.
Alex aka Ma, What's For Dinner?
www.MaWhats4Dinner.com
My Husband has a nasty scar down his nose because his ex Girlfriend tried to bite it off after a fight once... This ex girlfriend is actually now in intense psychotherapy... Not surprisingly.
I would wonder if one sits down and enjoys a chicken dinner that is already prepared...even if it prepared by a stranger that has broken in. Still, it is dinner on the table.
What in the world is going on in our world?!?! Thanks for making me normal...if there is really such a thing.
Debbie, I don't use to bite,either. I don't think it's nice.
Have a great day!
hugs
That last one would happen in Michigan. Yet another reason for me to tell my boyfriend I can never move back there! LOL! Thanks for sharing the laughs!
Don't walk too close to the creek! LOL! Some news stories blow my mind...others just freak the heck out of me...like the one on my yahoo homepage today..."dying red star shows us how the sun could die in the future." Life is stressful enough without thinking about the sun dying! Gee!
The mentioned that story about the security guard on NPR, too funny!
I might be able to bight a nose if I was being attacked...I wouldn't pre-plan it but it might just happen.
much love
Yeah, if my neighbor was blasting John Denver music, I'd complain too. But I'd complain more if it was Willy Nelson. I can't stand either of them!
It's hard to decide which story is weirder.
But somehow my nose hurts.
And I think I'm stopping by the Colonel's for lunch.
Bwahahaha...I have to admit that my favorite part of the NY Times is the News of the Weird. It's ALL about perspective, my friend. But let's not hate on John Denver. I mean Country Roads?? C'mon...that doesn't = meth lab. Although, in KY, when you travel down those country roads that lead you home, they almost always lead you straight to a meth lab...so maybe you're on to something. Thanks for sharing...I needed a break from CNN.
Those are hysterical. The security guard story and your commentary, especially!
Yes...I'm now going to have a good day b/c these stories made me feel much better about myself and the craziness that IS my extended family.
It's always great to read things like this to help put your own life in perspective and feel normal.
Biting someone's nose? Oh gosh it's really wierd.
Wow...biting a nose, huh?? Does it count if it is my 6-month old daughter trying to bite off my hub's nose?! Haha!!
~WM
Too too too funny! Crazy is as crazy does. Love it!
There are so many different types of people in the world with baggage they carry around and continually add to, it's a wonder we haven't blown each other of the face of the earth yet. I am really freaked out about the nose biting one. Anger issues!
Yes, thank-you. This does put some things into perspective.
The biting off the nose part reminded me of a scene from Hot Shots, Part Deux in which he heroine asks Charlie Sheen the hero to kiss her like she's never been kissed before and he proceeds to do it to her nose. TMI?
I'm with ya... I really don't want that security guard working in my parts. Hmmm, I didn't intend it to, but that sounded a little nasty. Not my parts, as in privates, but my parts, as in my hood (not much better) or my geographic area.
ANYWAY.
Biting off someone's nose is just gross. You're BOUND to get some boogs up in there.
Oh! Whew! I feel so much better now! LOL! Biting a nose off huh? Well that ranks right up there. And the chicken man is tops with me. I would have made him clean up his hair leavings while I ate his chicken.
Hugs
SueAnn
God that kitchen floor looks just like mine...really, same tile, same bin...execpt that i have bread crumbs, coffee grounds & lots of dirt on it right now. I realized I gotta stop looking at every piece of mess, dirt & displaced thing and start to look at my family more often.....
My husband used to be an armed security guard. You don't want to know who is in that position.
Oh, and i should've mentioned i wish my hubby would do that with his cell phone....drown it in the river that is....no not gonna say he could do it to himself too....jkjk....on amore serious note...our puppy bit off one of my daughters lips....yeh you don't want to come to our house. my husband has me trapped with his weapon. luckily we have a friend who is a plastic surgeon, and i'd like to say he shot the dog...but no he's still alive and terrorizing the neighbours. you can tell they love us
People shouldn't bit off noses. There need to be rules.
Thank you for sparing me the need to peruse the tabloids at the grocery store today...heh heh
If the chicken was good and he made enough to feed my family I would probably drop the charges.
Someone seriously called police because of John Denver?
These are some very odd stories!! Interesting, but very odd. Hope you are having a great day!
The funny thing is, you can't make this stuff up.
You find the craziest stuff! The nose biting is oh so icky!!
Okay, I have to admit to reading some weird news, too. Some people are so strange!
Seriously, people do the weirdest things...great post...very funny...and no matter how mad I've been at my sister, I've never thought to bite her nose off...
I grew up not far from Easton, PA. (Allentown) Knowing some of the good folks who call Easton their home, this article sounds perfectly sane to me.
What wonderfully bizarre stories! And my my - blasting your way out of a car with a handgun just reinforces my stereotypes of wacky US behaviour! ;-)
I had a wonderful laugh- many thanks!
The only nose this Ozarks farm chick ever wants to bite off is the nice little chocolate nose off my Easter Bunny! MMMmmm, now I'm cravin' chocolate, it doesn't take much. Heeheehe! I got a good hardy chuckle out of the current events! Thanks.
Ya'll have the best day!!!
That is absolutely insane. I know that I'd feel safe if he were guarding me. Maybe the people who had the guy break in should have had the security guard watching over their house. :-D
I feel normal too...and I have had a CRAZY week:-)
If that SOB didn't make enough chicken for me...I'd be pissed!
Love the updates, lady! As always, makes me feel better about my crazy self!
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Truth IS stranger than fiction. I couldn't make this crap up.
Reading this make me feel soooo good about myself.
I heard the weird robber one on the news.
But biting off someone's nose in an argument??? Now I could see their finger maybe, if they wagged it in your face at the wrong time. But a nose??
Nose biting is disturbing to say the least. I feel quite normal now. I can always count on you to bring me up to speed on my current events. ;)
I like to keep a handgun strapped on at all times, just in case I need to blast my way out of, well, anything.
That must be SOME ringtone.
I know someone who grew up in a large family that wrestled each other with the goal of "biting" their opponent's nose... yeah, I always passed on any opportunity to wrestle.
kinda weird, one must admit. You could compete with Letterman you know that? His whole 'headline' bit... I have actually lived in Fond du Lac Wisconsin and I must say, that doesn't surprise me one bit...
I had heard about the nose biting one but I thought they were kids. I'm not sure if I'm relieved or more frightened by the idea that it was a grown woman!
New follower from "Friday Follow"!
i LOVE john denver!
I'm loving the security guard story!!!!!! Brrrrrrrrrrrrrinnnng!
AAAAAAAACCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK!!!!
Pretty sure if I'm ticked off, I'm not going to be close enough to bite a nose off. Ewwwwww.
Rocky Mountain Hiiiiiighhh....
Yup almost makes my life with the boys sound normal ... then she thinks back and remembers the pee on said electrical outlet that inturn became a fire ... Well One was so close ... LOL :)
Reminds me of something my hubs always says....it should be legal to shoot stupid people...LOL
Weird! Really weird!!!
The hair would have ticked me off too. I don't know about biting someone's nose, an ear makes more sense to me.
Okay, I love "Thank God I'm a Country Boy."
*slinking away*
I can't get the mental -taste- of my sister's nose out of my....mind. UGH. Don't think I'd EVER be tempted to try that.
My word and gag! That nose one really choked me up!
Come on, listening to John Denver at ANY volume is a crime! ;0)
I consider my extended family pretty dysfunctional, but stories like these make me think that perhaps I'm being a tad harsh. Although I could tell you a few stories ....
Oh my goodness, I used to live in Jonesville! I wonder if I know the lady. lol
I'd read the article about the Wisconsin man "rocking out" to John Denver. I knew he had to be at least 40 after reading the headline :-) Think I'll go on over to youtube and rock out to some J.D. myself now. 'Cause normal ain't in my vocabulary.
These people are the reason I am employed! (so far anyways!)I love these kooky stories!
The only things I bite are baby cheeks. Can't help myself. But I do make sure there are no teeth in baby's mouth beforehand.
www.angiemuresan.com
OMG I don't even know what my sister would do if I bit off part of her nose! And how nice to be protected by someone afraid of their own cell phone, who said hands free was safer!? :P
Insanity all around!
I couldn't help but laugh reading through this post. What is wrong with people!
weird.
John Denver is just too terrifying for words. Too terrifying.
LOL on the John Denver! Did the guy live next door to Guantanamo? ha ha ha!
I skip the headlines 95 % of the time. Now I remember why !
Nothing like John Denver really loud though...
Happy Thursday to you, Brilliant One !
For sure that loud playing "Country Boy" might fare better if he blasts his music on a "Country Road" that takes him home. Sorry. I couldn't resist.
Love it! :) I can definitely see the slippery slope from John Denver to meth lab.
I'm glad I wasn't driving while reading this because that last picture would have startled me so much that I would have driven directly into the nearest creek.
This was hilarious. I've been mad before, but I just can't imagine how angry one must be to bite off another person's nose. Related to Mike Tyson? Perhaps.
They are funny, but the nose one had my roflol
oy! Biting off someone's nose? I hope it was because they couldn't afford a real nose job. The other person prob had "deviated septum" or something like that...
hillarious blog.
That haicut/shower/eating chicken thing was just too wierd!
Following your blog, and looking forward to hopefully having you join me for Talkin' About Thursdays!
Genny
LMAO!! That's hilarious. Seriously, I can't believe these are real human beings. Thanks for giving me a laugh today and for visiting my blog earlier.
Good grief!
"I know I would feel more secure having someone guard me or my property carrying a gun when the guy can get so freaked out from a cell phone that he runs his car into a creek."
Snort. :-)
Goes to prove that suburbs are not as boring as everyone says!
Denise
www.successinthesuburbs.blogspot.com
Okay the B & E guy creeped me out. I mean serial killer anyone?
SCARY! Maybe, I read too many books. :-/
Wow...people actually crank John Denver...Who knew?
hi debbie wow this was interesting, loved the snippets of posts you did today, loved the one about the man breaking into someone home and cutting his hair? weird people, lol keep up the excellent work xx
Oh my goodness! Glad no one called the cops on my sis and me when we were little. We couldn't quit belting out "Grandma's Feather Bed" and "Almost Heaven, WV!"
I must admit that when the Onstar lady started talking to me in my new car last week, I was a bit startled. Not drive in a creek startled, but still.
:)
Your reporting on current events always cracks me up.
Shotgun. That's what you need for spiders. They're too fast for handguns.
I can't get over the dude breaking into a house and cleaning him self up and then cooking up some grub! Crazy!
oh, the news does make one feel better!!
Those were all good, but the nose-biting takes the prize. Eeew!
LMBO!! Those are great!
I wonder if the nose biting woman knows Mike Tyson?
And that security guy-- With my luck he works for the company that patrols my neighborhood :-)
xo
PLEASE don't tell me the guy was blasting "Country Roads..."
There's something really wrong with adult biters.
I must admit I HAVE considered biting off someone's nose, but only in an effort to save her costly plastic surgery she couldn't admit she needed. (Or perhaps it was all just a bad dream...)
Hilarious!! I feel so NORMAL, now!
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Stranger than fiction, that's for sure.
There are some strange people in this world!!
We must read the same news. I was particularly interested in the man who fried himself some chicken while robbing the house. So funny.
As for the man who drove his SUV into the river, it must be a CA thing, I can't drive with my handsfree device because it startles me when it rings. . . I've just given up talking and driving (mostly).
I read the one about the security guard in the SUV to my gun-toting husband....his comment? That will work every time.
So much for the idea that hands free cell phones are safer.
I've been had enough I wanted to pull a college roommate's braid out of her head. I didn't touch her, but I was surprised the idea popped into my head.
I'm with you on that I've never considered putting someone else's nose in my mouth. And how did that sister not get away? I'm thinking it's not so easy to clamp down on a nose. It would take time to get the angle right. Did she wait until her sister was asleep?
The cell phone startle was hilarious!
Reminds me of one I read a while back here in Nashville - a guy broke a kitchen windown, climbed in, cleaned up the broken glass, washed and dried the dishes, and left.
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