Send In The First Ladies

My laptop is still not fixed. Oh, my daughter's came back two days later looking and acting like it had just received the latest botox and restalyne injections. She has been happily computing away ever since. No word from mine. You know that old saying, "No news is good news"?. I'm not thinking that applies here.So, I may or may not be writing this standing in a computer store pretending to check out the latest offerings. Has anyone seen that commercial about the people sending the woman away and setting up a pc store in her house to surprise her when she returns? Yes, that is the stuff my dreams are made of.Enough about that. I want to talk politics. Specifically, first lady potentials.

I gotta admit I do love me some Michelle Obama. First of all, she is my age which makes her a great role model for sexy ladies like me. And who doesn't like her style that anyone can copy. Even her arms inspire me. I tell myself as I'm struggling to do a push-up, "If Michelle can have arms like that, you can to, you lazy piece of slime." Obviously, her grace hasn't inspired me as much as I'd like.Laura Bush was fairly likable in a mostly I-forgot-she-was-there sort of way. Hillary Clinton was down-right scary to me as a first lady and I would have been terrified to come face-to-face with her during those years because I'm pretty sure she could have eaten me. Barbara Bush? She was like the loving grandmother we all missed and she was only about 40 when she looked like that, bless her heart.But now we are entering that period where we are auditioning potential new candidates for the job.

Like most of the country, I was holding my breath about the possibility of a Donald Trump run for president. Here is what Trump was offering to bring to the table.
Yes, that is wife number 3, Melania Trump, a former Slovenian model. Obviously, a woman like this married Trump strictly for his hair. But I ask you, did you want to have to compare yourself to Melania for 4 or possibly 8 years? I think not. I didn't even want to post her photo. And let's take this a step further. Did we really think it would be in our country's best interest to have her just a stone's throw from congress - that veritable treasure trove of monogamous men? No, it was definitely a wise decision to not let her have the job.

We still have the possibility of seeing a Mrs. Gingrich in the job. I also believe this would be Mrs. Gingrich number 3. Callista. Age 45. Here's her photo.
I believe that might be enough said.

Oh, the choices are dismal. And why is that? Why don't we look around and just decide who we want as first lady and proceed with the election from there? You can't possibly tell me you think the system we have in place now is any better.

Here's my choice:
Yes, Paula Deen. She's never been in a bad mood. We could save a fortune by firing all the White House chefs and letting her loose in the kitchen. And what foreign or domestic policy squabble wouldn't be smoothed over by a pound or two of butter? She'd either make them play nice with her southern drawl or kill them with a heart attack.

And those are some state dinners I'd love to attend.